Fratzogs by Night

Fratzogs by Night

I've had a list of drafts from well over a year ago sitting in the queue waiting for me to dust off this blog. Some of the photos are 2 years old or more and generations of phones ago. The pics below I believe were sent to me from Robin of Omaha. Behold the nighttime Hooptie!

This is a 1965 Dodge Coronet 440 in Medium Turquoise Poly. It's easy to pinpoint the '65 because both the year before and the year after this one had a center divider splitting the grill.
There are a couple details I love on the front of this ride. First are the Fratzogs (a made-up word for the triangular symbol used by Mopar through the '60s) mounted above the outer headlights. The second detail is that only the section between the inboard headlights is actually a functioning grill. All the small slat openings around the headlights are black paint!

Most Coronet 440s were equipped with V8 engines. The base was a 2 barrel 318, but you had the option of a 361, 383, or the mighty 426 Hemi for the first time. Customers who chose the Hemi had the option of dual 4 barrel carbs and a floor mounted 4 speed manual! Chances are that this ride has the pushbutton automatic mounted on the dash next to the radio.

This handsome piece of side trim was only on the mid level 440 series. The base model had a chrome line that ran lower along the body from the rear of the front wheel opening to the back of the car. The top of the heap 500 had a thin chrome spear along the full length of the car with 3 colored rectangles at the front. These are the correct, original hubcaps for the car by the way.

It's tough to see in the above dark lighting but this is equipped with reverse lights. They weren't standard on the base Coronet but they were included on the 440.

We'll leave this beast with an admiring view of the gargantuan trunk.
4 door sedans are the least sexy, least valuable classics to get, but they tend to live gentler lives. This is the quintessential family car, possibly surviving because some nice old lady garaged it for decades. Mopars from the 1960s are famously reliable and easy to work on. If you run across one of these in good condition for cheap you might have the perfect classic daily driver on your hands.

Type-10, or "A Cadillac Cimarron with Cloth Seats

Type-10, or "A Cadillac Cimarron with Cloth Seats"
Sometimes the rarest classic car on the block is a well kept secret hiding in plain sight. Even calling the gray doorstop below a "classic car" would get the blood up of many collectors and aficionados my age. Regardless, behold the tiniest patch of fog in Bay Ridge!

This is a 1987 Chevrolet Cavalier Type-10 in one of five colors GM called Silver Poly that year (itself a damning testament to the automotive landscape of 1987). This is the last year of the first generation which debuted in 1982. As a reliable and efficient front wheel drive compact the Cavalier was popular for its entire run through 2005.

Type-10 was the name given to all 2 door Cavaliers, which included a notchback as well as this hatchback. 4 door sedan and wagon versions vastly outnumbered the Type-10s which makes this a rare beast indeed. As an example just over 6,000 of these were built in '87 compared to over 150,000 of the 4 door. I have a friend who owned a 4 door BROWN Cavalier with a manual transmission back in the day that I loved. At the time I had my '63 Beetle and we even traded cars for a week while living 2 states away. There was something so unabashedly uncool about a 1980s compact sedan that the stick shift made it a secret weapon: the ultimate 90 horsepower sleeper, complete with White Zombie stickers on the dash.
I'd like to point out that this car is missing its front passenger side hubcap. Unlike most, this is literally a small cap to cover the wheel hub itself.

The shape harkens back to the X-Body (Citation, Phoenix) 4 door that bowed out in 1985. This ride is built on the J-Body platform, which brought you such hits as the Pontiac Sunfire, Olds Firenza, and Buick Skyhawk. The Skyhawk and Sunfire offered bizarre power headlights in the form of little doors that lifted up like eyelids while the headlights stayed in place. The Pontiac power headlights were never fully closed, with the lower thirds of the bulbs visible under the doors giving a sleazy, heavy-lidded look.

You can't tell me that this rear end doesn't look like the fabled DeLorean! The gridded multi colored taillights are very similar, as is the long sloping rear window. Those quarter windows have a small black dot near the top edge. This is the pop-out mechanism for ventilation, otherwise this thing would fishbowl so bad in the sun.

For anyone that wants to try and date one of these they might run across in the wild, the word Chevrolet was on the right side of the rear fascia until 1986. The CS designation is a trim level one baby step above the base model. There was a much faster sport version called Z24 starting in 1986 originally only for the Type-10s.

From this angle you can actually see some styling effort. The lower edge of the rear window is inset into the body, and a faux wing indentation above the taillights. It's not much but it's something!

Cavalier is such a funny name for such low-hanging fruit. The main definitions are offhand, indifferent, casual, and dismissive (which sums up this owners parking style). Chevy had a cavalier attitude about delivering the best possible design for the '80s I suppose. The Cavalier was the basis of one of the greatest crimes in recent automotive history though.
 In 1982 Cadillac decided to take its heralded luxury nameplate and shove it into a J-Body sausage casing, resulting in the Cimarron. Widely and famously known as the most egregious case of badge-engineering gone wrong, the Cimarron was obviously a Cavalier with a fancy grill & hood ornament. No matter if leather seats and sound deadening were a part of the package, the Cimarron's disguise didn't fool anyone. Cadillac barely slipped the cinderblock tied to its legs to come back to the surface.

This is the standard GM interior of the mid to late '80s. That pull-out door handle in its plastic square, the flat expanse of the dash and glove compartment, and the tall block housing the gearshift are all too common across the likes of Corsica, Lumina, Beretta, and Pontiac 6000. The factory stereo has a cassette delete in the form of a plastic cover even bigger than the cassette door would've been. This is the interior of my high school friends cars.

Looks like this frumper took a good knock to the jaw at some point, but it's still standing strong. Besides this spot the overall condition is pretty damn good for a 30+ year old car. Most GM products of this era have paint jobs that look like they reentered the atmosphere. This "color" is as boring as it gets, but it is intact.

Well there we have it: a pseudo sporty yawn on wheels from the deepest corner of the Malaise Era. Just for kicks I looked up the current values on this ride and found that it starts at $195 for salvage condition and makes its way up to $5,850 for an absolutely pristine, flawless, museum quality example. In reality there might be 2 mint examples of this ride on earth, and to the middle aged success story who had this as a first car the value might reach 15 or 20 grand (stranger things have happened). If you stumble upon one being sold by the relative of a recently deceased owner who kept it in the garage and serviced it at the dealer I say pick it up! Parts are easy to get, and it will turn as many heads as a Chevelle at most 2019 car shows. Mark my words oh Grumpy Baby Boomer: the J Body will have its day, just as easily as mid-'70s gas crunch rejects are having theirs today.

The First Sign of British Colonialism

THE FIRST SIGN OF BRITISH COLONIALISM
Watch out everybody - this is how it starts! First a Land Rover appears under a leafy tree, innocent enough. Soon they'll be running the Union Jack up the pole and making us pay alms to The Queen! If there was ever a vehicle better suited to worldwide colonization it was probably the elephant. Regardless - behold!

This is a 1989 Land Rover 90 Pickup in some aftermarket blue color (there were colors named Alaskan, Shire, and Ice Blue available but all were more subtle that this rich hue). This was a year before the Defender name was added and the 90 refers to the short wheelbase (the other model was the 4 door 110).

This cool little beach cruiser is one of the most capable off road vehicles in the world. First introduced in 1983, the 90 was the direct descendant of the Rover R01 from 1948. Those Series I, II, and III models of yore were actually the ones that explored the furthest reaches of the British Empire. This ride could follow in its predecessors footsteps, but with radio and air conditioning.

From here you can see the basic Jeep-like simplicity of this truck. The doors easily come off, and the windshield folds forward, making the height of this vehicle the tops of the seats. These white steel wheels are an aftermarket add-on. There were factory steelies available but there were less vent holes cut into them.

I absolutely love this thing!
The above image shows the metal divider between the front and rear halves, which identifies this as the Pickup. When the hardtop is installed the back corners are curved, with small wraparound windows.

With plain plywood lining the rear, a spare tire, and a propane tank this thing looks like it's ready for trails. The gravel guards over the lights are factory. Unlike the leather clad luxury Land Rovers of today these were ready to drive directly from the factory to the heart of a jungle.

Somehow this most rugged of off roaders always looks right at home in even the nicest neighborhoods. The biggest star in Hollywood could roll up to their premier in this ride and people would be vastly more impressed than if they stepped out of the newest Mercedes.

Those little pins on the hood are to mount the spare tire (which would preclude the windshield being able to fold down). In keeping with its bare bones origins origins there are flip out vents under the windshield that are just as basic as they look.

This ride is parked in Brooklyn at the site of the famous Battle of Gowanus from the Revolutionary War. The heroic Maryland 400* regiment suffered devastating losses while staying put to hold off the British troops so Washington could retreat to fight another day. If not for that battle and the bravery of the 400 the outcome of the war might have been different. Beware this first indicator of Colonialism when it reaches your streets! Brexit has the Brits licking their chops looking for fresh land, and the Land Rover is their foot in the door. Beware! Get Maryland on the horn stat!

*Legend has it that the fallen soldiers of the Maryland 400 were unceremoniously buried in a mass grave somewhere in the heart of Gowanus. There is a plaque commemorating one of the possible locations at the corner of 9th Street and 3rd Avenue, next to the American Legion. Unfortunately the area was historically marshland and swamp so pinpointing it has been impossible so far. Combine that with the real estate values and it's doubtful that there will ever be a definitive conclusion as to the location of the final resting place of the 400.