The First Sign of British Colonialism

THE FIRST SIGN OF BRITISH COLONIALISM
Watch out everybody - this is how it starts! First a Land Rover appears under a leafy tree, innocent enough. Soon they'll be running the Union Jack up the pole and making us pay alms to The Queen! If there was ever a vehicle better suited to worldwide colonization it was probably the elephant. Regardless - behold!

This is a 1989 Land Rover 90 Pickup in some aftermarket blue color (there were colors named Alaskan, Shire, and Ice Blue available but all were more subtle that this rich hue). This was a year before the Defender name was added and the 90 refers to the short wheelbase (the other model was the 4 door 110).

This cool little beach cruiser is one of the most capable off road vehicles in the world. First introduced in 1983, the 90 was the direct descendant of the Rover R01 from 1948. Those Series I, II, and III models of yore were actually the ones that explored the furthest reaches of the British Empire. This ride could follow in its predecessors footsteps, but with radio and air conditioning.

From here you can see the basic Jeep-like simplicity of this truck. The doors easily come off, and the windshield folds forward, making the height of this vehicle the tops of the seats. These white steel wheels are an aftermarket add-on. There were factory steelies available but there were less vent holes cut into them.

I absolutely love this thing!
The above image shows the metal divider between the front and rear halves, which identifies this as the Pickup. When the hardtop is installed the back corners are curved, with small wraparound windows.

With plain plywood lining the rear, a spare tire, and a propane tank this thing looks like it's ready for trails. The gravel guards over the lights are factory. Unlike the leather clad luxury Land Rovers of today these were ready to drive directly from the factory to the heart of a jungle.

Somehow this most rugged of off roaders always looks right at home in even the nicest neighborhoods. The biggest star in Hollywood could roll up to their premier in this ride and people would be vastly more impressed than if they stepped out of the newest Mercedes.

Those little pins on the hood are to mount the spare tire (which would preclude the windshield being able to fold down). In keeping with its bare bones origins origins there are flip out vents under the windshield that are just as basic as they look.

This ride is parked in Brooklyn at the site of the famous Battle of Gowanus from the Revolutionary War. The heroic Maryland 400* regiment suffered devastating losses while staying put to hold off the British troops so Washington could retreat to fight another day. If not for that battle and the bravery of the 400 the outcome of the war might have been different. Beware this first indicator of Colonialism when it reaches your streets! Brexit has the Brits licking their chops looking for fresh land, and the Land Rover is their foot in the door. Beware! Get Maryland on the horn stat!

*Legend has it that the fallen soldiers of the Maryland 400 were unceremoniously buried in a mass grave somewhere in the heart of Gowanus. There is a plaque commemorating one of the possible locations at the corner of 9th Street and 3rd Avenue, next to the American Legion. Unfortunately the area was historically marshland and swamp so pinpointing it has been impossible so far. Combine that with the real estate values and it's doubtful that there will ever be a definitive conclusion as to the location of the final resting place of the 400.

The perfect device for colonial imperialism

THE PERFECT DEVICE FOR COLONIAL IMPERIALISM

I was walking through Windsor Terrace recently when something appeared that seemed as foreign and out of place as the Coke bottle in The Gods Must be Crazy. Behold!

This is a 1978 Land Rover Defender 109 in what I believe is Spring Green (I think British Racing Green is a little deeper in an evergreen sense as opposed to this hue).

 Make no mistake - even though this is parked in a lovely neighborhood this beast is safari-ready. It is positively dripping with aftermarket heavy duty upgrades.

This is the long wheelbase station wagon that is really just a few steps away from its prehistoric ancestors. The Defender was originally launched in 1948 and ran all the way through the 2015 model year. While there were plenty of changes and series over the decades it remained remarkably true to its initial design over those 67 years.

You've got to give it up for the full external roll cage on this thing! In addition it has a roof-height snorkel for the engine. Everything about the presentation says it's ready and capable for serious off road adventures. How it got to Brooklyn is a mystery to me. Maybe it drove along the bottom of the ocean?

I have a close friend who drives a newer Discovery with these same wheels. He calls them the "U.N. wheels" because Land Rovers stationed around the world tend to sport these no nonsense white steelies.

I can't think of a single custom touch that this isn't already outfitted with. That spotlight on the roof even has a protective metal screen over it as if this were exploring a rugged continent. 

 From this angle it's plain to see how utilitarian these older Defenders are. Exposed hinges, simple metal body panels, big expanses of flat glass, etc. While this company went on to produce luxury SUVs and crossovers this vehicle harkens back to the need to traverse faraway lands with no paved roads. I'm sure this is cold in winter, hot in summer, and pretty loud and rattly on bumpy ground. It is 100% honest is what I'm trying to say.

Well that's where I'll leave this conquerer to enjoy semi-retirement. The fact that the license plate is mashed up under the bumper alludes to possible adventure so hopefully it's not retired at all. Either way I'm impressed and somewhat in awe of this hardy British beast.

The automotive equivalent of Grey Gardens

THE AUTOMOTIVE EQUIVALENT OF GREY GARDENS

I was walking along the border of Greenwood Cemetery where flocks of wild parakeets chatter overhead when something about an otherwise forgettable vehicle caught my eye. It seemed a little too rounded around the edges . . .

What we have here is a 1999-2002 Land Rover Discovery II in Chawton White. The bumper looks a little soft around the corners. Could it be my old nemesis? It is!

Ladies and gentlemen there comes a time in the life of some vehicle owners when, despite the advice of their best friends, they turn to tape. It's been a while since I featured a good tape repair and believe me this has plenty! Notice the care and thought that went into this corner: black tape for the black parts but they've left the grill openings and logo clear. Yellowish tape over the turn signals and clear tape to hold it all together. Who needs a Pick-n-Pull when True Value is just down the street?

Once it starts it's like mold spreading over the entire area. If anyone reading this has some white tape please send it to me and I will leave it on the windshield of this Brit.

Tape addiction is usually a sign of other personality traits not all of which I feel proud to point out. 

From this angle you can still see the breeding of this tony ride. When new this truck cost around $35,000 (which has the buying power of $50,000 today). This was not a cheap car! Stalwart and proud was the Land Rover when new.

Uh oh. Looks a little lived in from here. The old Coca-Cola/coffee/pineapple juice and sandwich combo. Super British.

Unfortunately this is a case of Hoarders: Automotive Edition. I do feel a little shameful writing these posts because there's always going to be somebody pointing out (rightfully so) that I'm mocking either mental illness or somebody's lowest point. You know what though? It's parked on the street so I'm gonna let 'em have it. See you in Hell everybody!
*Shout out to the blue tape that just wanted to join the party.

This person must drive by touch because every bit is currently held on with tape. There's no adjusting that mirror from here on out. I wonder if the window can even go down? It seems to be taped in place.

Alright this thing is messed up. It looks a little like the aftermath of Woodstock. 

The skylights on the rear of the roof always looks pretty cool to me on these rides. Blue tape on the roof, black tape on the taillight, Encyclopedia Britannica in the back.

We've got more turn signal tape restoration happening here. It seems the plate was even taped on at some point. Single out of state plate to keep it ticket proof.

This side lower light is brutal. Overall this truck isn't in bad shape really; few scuffs and no rust to speak of. It could probably be put right without too much trouble.

OH YEAH the grandaddy of all tape repairs; FULL WINDOW RE-CREATION!

From this angle I see that the rear door vent window has been replaced with black tape too.
These trucks are tough and capable, if somewhat pricey to maintain. There's definitely a story behind this vehicle because it's like seeing a former member of high society begging for change. If you haven't seen the original Grey Gardens I highly recommend it!
In fact
here's the whole movie just sitting on Youtube. Have at it!

Brexit special!

BREXITED BEAST FROM OUT EAST

Out in the fertile hooptie grounds of Red Hook I found this hardy immigrant looking for a fight:

This is a 1971-1985 Land Rover Series III in the very faded color Blaze. This is as stalwart and British as a vehicle can be though diametrically opposed to Rolls Royce in use and appearance. I would hazard a guess that any English country home that had a Rolls Royce in the drive also had one of these lurking somewhere.

This thing is built for imperialist expansion. Flatten the wild jungles before you with ease! Cross vast deserts and ford piranha filled rivers on your way to victory! 

The Land Rover was introduced in 1949 modeled after the Jeep. Originally the headlights were tucked in with the grill between the fenders but this changed in 1968 to comply with the laws of several of the countries where it was sold.

You can go ahead and place your spare tire right here.

You can see from the slight overhang on the left front edge of this hood that it's not a perfect fit. This may in fact come from an earlier model with the headlights between the fenders. In fact the only colors available on the very first late '40s-mid '50s were various shades of green. Maybe this is an original hood for the first series? Who knows?

You know everything you need to know about this truck the moment you look at it. It screams UTILITY; flat (for the most part) body panels, big wheels and tires, and a high ground clearance. Like the Jeep the roof and doors are removable and the windshield folds flat onto the hood.
Power was most likely derived from an inline 4 cylinder gas engine. They had 6 and even 8 cylinder gas and diesel versions but they were vastly outnumbered by the tried and true 4.

I love the looks of these things. To me it's much like a smaller International Scout. There is a huge difference though besides scale; the body panels are made up of aluminum alloy so corrosion isn't an issue. That's AL-YOO-MINNY-UM to you Yanks.

*That is NOT a massive assault rifle in the window though it looks like one in this pic.

So many mysteries on this vehicle. For instance, what are those two rectangular plates riveted above the wheel well? I imagine there's some ultra heavy duty side guard that could have been fitted by the factory but I can't be sure. The gas cap looks like it belongs on a tank.

Who needs a rear bumper when your arse is this burly? Everything is as basic as can be; the door hinges and locking mechanism look like simple diagrams.

I like how somebody welded a solid steel plate to the frame below the door as if to say "this is all the cosmetic treatment you get Land Rover".

Like most (if not all) British vehicle manufacturers the Land Rover company has a long and incestuous ownership history. It began as the off-road division of Rover before being combined with Triumph and subsequently absorbed into the British Leyland Motor Corporation (BLMC). In the late '80s it was owned by British Aerospace. BMW acquired it in 1994. Ford purchased it in 2000. In 2008 Ford sold Land Rover along with Jaguar to Tata Motors of India, making it an extremely late in coming spoil of their 1947 independence from Britain. The British automotive family tree looks like a twisted vine overlapping several times.

Our best indicator that this is a Series III is the plastic dashboard which was painted metal earlier. Another indication is that the gauges are in front of the driver when they used to be centrally located. Having your gauges in the center is an elegant solution for a vehicle that has been exported to the furthest corners of the earth since its inception; move the steering wheel and pedals to whichever side the country of origin dictates and everything else is universal.

I was certain that these seats were replacements but they are in fact Series III stock. The same design carried on into the Defender which succeeded it.

The mirror placement is great on this truck. Those two flaps under the windshield are just what they look like; ventilation. The rear half of the door glass slides forward which enough enough to pay a toll but those flaps would probably save your bacon on a hot day.

This is the quintessential accidental success. Rover only meant to build these for a couple of years for a quick influx of cash after the ruination of WWII. Because of this every step of the manufacturing process was designed for cheap and simple production from the flat body panels to the simple ladder frame it sits on. Right away it was outselling everything on the market so they rolled with it. Who knew it would once spin off into one of the most venerable and iconic brands of all time?