Thursday, April 14, 2016

Pregnant Chad by Buick

Have all the campaign politics and mud slinging been getting you down? Me too. Lucky for us the General Motors Corporation distilled all the anguish of a presidential run into one forlorn vehicle. Behold!
This is a 2000 Buick Century Presidential Edition in what might've been Arctic White. This is the newest car I've ever featured and it is terrible. I mean really, this is a horrible car.
Ugh. It is THE definition of a Hooptie, but that doesn't give it any charm. It's missing the factory plastic gray wheel covers which is the only thing helping it at all.
Standard zero-quality late '90s/early 2000s GM paint job that makes it look like it just reentered the atmosphere. Random stains, rust spots, cracks, and dings all complete the sadness.
Oh but WAIT A MINUTE! Is that the presidential seal? Thanks Obama!
Not only is this "Faux Carriage Roof" my least favorite choice of roof treatment, but it is currently growing mold. Those snaps are there for what exactly? It is all but assured that the roof itself underneath all this janky cloth is rusted completely.
Oh for the love of god THERE'S A BABY SEAT IN IT! This is abuse plain and simple.
Let's take a moment to ponder the root of the name Century. The original Buick Century was named as such back in 1936 because it was capable of hitting 100mph. At the time it was Buick's mid-level car in terms of appointment and luxury. The name was used on and off over the decades to denote the smaller body with a bigger engine (until the Skylark based GSX and Stage-1 muscle cars took over).
By the time this egg was laid the Century was Buick's entry level car. Available only as a 4 door with a V6 and front wheel drive, this was clearly marketed towards older folks. Looks like the rear bumper might've helped with the parallel parking since it's been shattered.
This was parked in front of a stylish looking garage in Brooklyn. What is the story here?
*You can see the wheel covers on this side. You tell me if they seem presidential to you.
Oh so very plush and absorbent inside. The steering wheel looks like it was driven by somebody with sandpaper hands, but with flowers on the dash and Gucci on the floor who says they're not livin' right?
The Century went on in this guise through 2005 when it went quietly into the night. I imagine this to be the official car to drive into the afterlife so maybe their customer base died off and they halted production. I found a couple for sale and each one of them was listed as 1 elderly owner.
There's nothing more I can say about this car except perhaps to apologize for posting it. However in light of the current political climate I figured it was the perfect choice. Vote early, vote often, and take one last look right into this presidential face on the way out.

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