Sunday, September 18, 2016

Show Car Sunday denied! Ugliest vehicle of 2016 awaits

BACK TO THE TERRIBLE BASICS
I originally started this blog because I couldn't believe how far people would let their cars go while still driving them. The city is a bubble where you can limp these things around in horrific condition without challenge by the police. Try to drive the following truck through Scarsdale and see how long before you're providing license & registration even if your inspection sticker's valid!
Ugh. This was once a Toyota Hilux pickup truck from around 1990 in one of the 4 shades of Black they offered that year. Years in the city at the hands of a cruel owner have allowed it to devolve into something else. There are garbage trucks like the kind that pick up your garbage and then there are garbage trucks. This truck is garbage.
Somehow the chrome on the grill retains some dignity amidst the horror. The bumper and hood are dusted with cocoa powder and one eye is ridden with cataracts, but the cracked grill still offers a bit of glint. But wait a minute; did you notice that nameplate?!
Ladies and gentleman this is something I have never seen! The original Toyota name has been replaced with a cut-out section of a Toyota hubcap! I was standing in front of this thing laughing out loud for reals!
At highway speeds I don't know if I'd trust this bit of stretched out bubble gum to hold, but then again the next time this reaches highway speeds will be on the back of a truck carrying crushed vehicles to the afterlife.
Every bit of this little punk is dented, scraped, or both. It looks like this truck is constantly trying to wiggle through spaces not quite big enough for it. I can only imagine the trail of mysteriously scuffed vehicles this thing has left in its wake. Nice chrome mirror though! Wicked sporty bra.
I suppose it's earning its keep as the back had some contructionish trash in it. Gas door is long gone but would you want to siphon from a vehicle this beat?
The Toyota small truck is officially known as the Hilux. Production has never ceased since its introduction in 1968. Now in its eighth generation it continues its worldwide dominance by being offered and celebrated in most countries on Earth (noticeable exceptions being Japan and North America where it was replaced by the Tacoma in 1995).
Mysterious dadaist messages were crafted out of bags and placed in the back window.
We know this is a 2 wheel drive version as the 4wd trucks got rear fender flares to accommodate larger wheels and tires. I'd like to give a big shout-out to the rear bumper for still looking so damn good!
The drivers door is kinds open, turn signal smashed, and Bondo cracking off the body in sheets. I nominate this as the ugliest ride of 2016.
The bottom of the door is really rusted out. I have a feeling this truck is gutted with rot but probably had some quick fix Bondo/spray paint moments in its history.
Well there we have it; a terrible example of the most rugged vehicle ever built. As much as I've been bagging on this heap it really is a testament to the extreme reliability and durability of the Toyota truck. These things can go hundreds of thousands of miles without needing much in the way of repairs. The fact that so many have been built means parts are as available as can be. A 2wd version with a manual transmission should easily give you 30-35mpg too.
I drove the doppelganger to this truck when it was brand new for 2 days while attempting to sell fish door-to-door (that's right I did!). The job went predictably horribly the first day and I tried to quit. When my boss said "just give it one more day" I picked up my buddy Pete and we drove all over Connecticut with a freezer box full of fish on the back without knocking on a single door.
Hats off I guess to the sadistic owner of this poor little gimp for making it continue to serve its master years after it earned a white flag.

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