F for Friday, F for Fox, and F for mad Fahrvergnügen

Fahrvergnügen

Look at this little box of fun. Doesn't it look like fun? Not really? Okay. Well this was sitting on a Red Hook street recently and I marveled at how long it had been since I'd seen one.

This is a 1990 Volkswagen Fox in (mostly) Tornado Red. Even though it was sold in North America for 8 years from 1987-1993 the Fox is an utterly forgotten car.

Two things happened in the U.S. that facilitated the Fox showing up on our streets: Yugo and Hyundai. These two interlopers came out of nowhere (Korea and Yugoslavia actually) with new cars advertised at astonishingly low prices. VW had these cheap wheels already in production in South America so they quickly brought them north to compete. The Fox was the cheapest VW of its era.

People can't resist striking poses in front of vintage European classics!
In 1990 VW had a new ad campaign centered around the word Fahrvergnügen. This is a made-up amalgamation of the German words fahren (to drive) and Vergnügen (enjoyment). The tagline was "Fahrvergnügen: It's what makes a car a Volkswagen". The campaign lasted only 2 years but this car was sold during that time. I wonder if the driver feels enjoyment every time they turn the key?

The Fox was available in 2 and 4 door sedans as well as a pretty cool 2 door wagon. The wagon was halted after 1991.

The Fox was manufactured and sold in Brazil as the VW Gol. That's right GOL like Golf without the Fun. This was no flash in the pan either. It was introduced in 1980 and production continues today.

All of the Foxes in North America had a fuel injected inline 1.8 Liter 4 cylinder engine. Despite the small engine the gas mileage was rated at 22 city and 27 highway. Not too impressive Foxy!

This interior shot is utterly useless save for one detail: the stick shift that we can see poking up from the floor. This is the one detail that guarantees at least a little Fahrvergnügen: the Fox was only available with a manual transmission. *I can't think of another car between '87 and '92 that didn't have an automatic trans as an option.
*Actually the Yugo didn't offer an auto trans until 1990 but calling that a car is a stretch!

This hardy little beast needs to be commended for existing on the city streets at almost 30 years of age. In many ways this is what VW did best; basic transportation.

Well that's where I'll leave this little lunchbox. These white noise cars come and go throughout history and tend to only get noticed once most of them have disappeared. However unlike other forgotten dogs like the Chevy Beretta the Fox was a good little car. Zero frills, cheap cost, and extremely available parts all make for a usable ride. Just don't expect to restore one as it wouldn't even be worth the cost of a paint job when complete. If you found one in museum condition I still wouldn't think it would be worth more than 3 or 4 grand.
Take a good look folks! These are marching towards extinction.

Show Car Sunday denied! Ugliest vehicle of 2016 awaits

BACK TO THE TERRIBLE BASICS

I originally started this blog because I couldn't believe how far people would let their cars go while still driving them. The city is a bubble where you can limp these things around in horrific condition without challenge by the police. Try to drive the following truck through Scarsdale and see how long before you're providing license & registration even if your inspection sticker's valid!

Ugh. This was once a Toyota Hilux pickup truck from around 1990 in one of the 4 shades of Black they offered that year. Years in the city at the hands of a cruel owner have allowed it to devolve into something else. There are garbage trucks like the kind that pick up your garbage and then there are garbage trucks. This truck is garbage.

Somehow the chrome on the grill retains some dignity amidst the horror. The bumper and hood are dusted with cocoa powder and one eye is ridden with cataracts, but the cracked grill still offers a bit of glint. But wait a minute; did you notice that nameplate?!

Ladies and gentleman this is something I have never seen! The original Toyota name has been replaced with a cut-out section of a Toyota hubcap! I was standing in front of this thing laughing out loud for reals!

At highway speeds I don't know if I'd trust this bit of stretched out bubble gum to hold, but then again the next time this reaches highway speeds will be on the back of a truck carrying crushed vehicles to the afterlife.

Every bit of this little punk is dented, scraped, or both. It looks like this truck is constantly trying to wiggle through spaces not quite big enough for it. I can only imagine the trail of mysteriously scuffed vehicles this thing has left in its wake. Nice chrome mirror though! Wicked sporty bra.

I suppose it's earning its keep as the back had some contructionish trash in it. Gas door is long gone but would you want to siphon from a vehicle this beat?
The Toyota small truck is officially known as the Hilux. Production has never ceased since its introduction in 1968. Now in its eighth generation it continues its worldwide dominance by being offered and celebrated in most countries on Earth (noticeable exceptions being Japan and North America where it was replaced by the Tacoma in 1995).

Mysterious dadaist messages were crafted out of bags and placed in the back window.

We know this is a 2 wheel drive version as the 4wd trucks got rear fender flares to accommodate larger wheels and tires. I'd like to give a big shout-out to the rear bumper for still looking so damn good!

The drivers door is kinds open, turn signal smashed, and Bondo cracking off the body in sheets. I nominate this as the ugliest ride of 2016.

The bottom of the door is really rusted out. I have a feeling this truck is gutted with rot but probably had some quick fix Bondo/spray paint moments in its history.

Well there we have it; a terrible example of the most rugged vehicle ever built. As much as I've been bagging on this heap it really is a testament to the extreme reliability and durability of the Toyota truck. These things can go hundreds of thousands of miles without needing much in the way of repairs. The fact that so many have been built means parts are as available as can be. A 2wd version with a manual transmission should easily give you 30-35mpg too.
I drove the doppelganger to this truck when it was brand new for 2 days while attempting to sell fish door-to-door (that's right I did!). The job went predictably horribly the first day and I tried to quit. When my boss said "just give it one more day" I picked up my buddy Pete and we drove all over Connecticut with a freezer box full of fish on the back without knocking on a single door.
Hats off I guess to the sadistic owner of this poor little gimp for making it continue to serve its master years after it earned a white flag.

Thinking outside of and into the BOX

THINKING OUTSIDE OF AND INTO THE BOX

It was a wet early autumn day last year when I ran across this ride. Believe me I was all the way past it before some quirly little detail caught my eye. Once I was really looking at it I realized this was a very undercover, special beast.

This is a 1987-1990 Chevrolet Caprice Classic in an after market color that is very close to the Medium Gray Poly offered by GM in those years. During the era when this was built it was ubiquitous as police cars and taxicabs. Sales were through the roof for the entire decade! This sure looks like a shiny but common ride at first glance. However it is heavily, if subtly, customized. The grill is aftermarket as it would have had cross hatched chrome lines with Chevrolet written on it originally.

First off check out those door handles; shaved right off! Someone saw fit to convert all 4 door handles to remote controlled poppers. Somewhere (probably in a wheel well) there is a hidden switch for when you either don't have your remote, or the battery is dead in either the car or the fob. All trim has been removed from the car too which was actually quite a lot. At the very least there was once a shiny rocker panel line along the entire bottom of the body as well as one running down the middle of the doors for parking lot dings. Caprice emblems were once on the sail panel behind the rear window.

Not only was the body shaved but the exhaust was re-routed to exit in front of the rear wheels, not to mention that it's now a quad! The wheels are tough enough without much glitz.

The Caprice from this era is referred to as a Box Chevy due to the squared-off dimensions on display here. The year after this ushered in the Bubble Chevy which had a much more rounded body style. Unfortunately for the company the Bubble was also known as Shamu because it looked like a big blob of a whale. This article by the NYTimes is all about that fiasco. 

This model has the terrible distinction of being used by the Beltway Snipers John Allen Mohammad and Lee Boyd Malvo. They used a blue 1990 Caprice with a hole cut in the trunk lid just above the right taillight for the rifle barrel and sight. By laying down they could kill randomly without being seen. Anyone who was alive during that time remembers how truly horrifying the ordeal was and it was by chance that they were spotted sleeping in the car by a passerby and reported.

This looks like the ultimate hitman car. I never would have thought of customizing this body style except for the standard lowrider treatment. The rear tint is seriously blacked-out.

I've got to hand it to the person responsible for this undercover ride. This is way up on the list of cars so plain that you can't really do anything with them, but boy was I wrong. My only hope is that it is a fire-breathing muscle car too but there's no way to tell without seeing under the hood or having it leave you in the dust. Congratulations anonymous Caprice owner on such a cool sleeper.

A terrible "Where are they now?" Celebrity sighting

EURO CELEBRITY SIGHTING

On a lovely block in Park Slope I recently found myself taking pictures of a filthy station wagon whose design stems from the '80s. Other than the fact that everyday cars of this era are disappearing fast there isn't much appeal at first glance. However this wagon is slightly different (though not much).

This is a 1990 Chevrolet Celebrity Eurosport wagon in what was formerly White. The Lumina was introduced this year, taking the place of the Celebrity in the Chevy lineup. Only the station wagon remained. How awkward is that? It's like meeting the new guy at work and training him only to find out that he's your replacement!

This grubby wagon pines for soapy water and a hose. It is straight-up, unforgivably FILTHY! If you own a white car you should roll through the automatic car wash annually at least.

The bumper has that deep shoved-in look that cars on the streets of Brooklyn acquire. The grill is painted for 1990 only.

Looking at it today I have to say that the lines aren't bad on this ride. For a station wagon it's not too huge, and the amount of body hanging past the front and rear wheels is proportionate.

At one point way back in 1986 the Eurosport option was added to the Celebrity lineup as an appearance and handling package. The suspension and wheels were upgraded. All badges got this red on black treatment as did the trim. There was another, much rarer VR package for Eurosports that dramatically changed the looks with a full ground effects kit and special colors. For one of the 2 years the VR was available it came with a fully red interior, and I mean RED. The carpets were absurdly plush deep red, as was the dash, seats, door panels. Car & Driver called it the Very Red model.

This is an easy way to pinpoint the age of this ride. The 3.1 Liter engine was introduced in '90, which happened to be the last year for the Celebrity wagon.

That curved tailgate glass helped with the aerodynamics a great deal. Subtle cues like that are signs of what's to come as the automotive world was transitioning from boxy cubes to the rounded blobs of the '90s. This is smack dab in the middle.

I thought this was one of the very last vehicles to offer a backwards-facing third row seat but it turns out they're still making them! Mercedes has one at least.

Turn the key to the left for just the window or right for the whole liftgate. Another shoved-in bumper lending a bit of street cred.

Minivans were in full swing when this rolled off the assembly line and SUVs were just emerging as a large market segment. The days of domestic station wagons was coming to a close.

Here we have Eurosport showing off its special wheels. To me they look a lot like the Olds Cutlass wheels from the late '70s through the late '80s. Another defining feature of the Eurosport is that all of the window trim is blacked out as opposed to faux chrome.

You can't really see it but the 3 spoke steering wheel is a Eurosport special. If you really wanted to sport it up you could get a console with a T handle shifter. I have no idea what happened to the far side of the dash which looks to have a piece of cardboard screwed into it. Originally there was nothing there but an expanse of dash padding. Maybe they went animal-style when replacing the heater core or something and just tore into it? Who knows.

Well that's that. I suppose if I stumbled upon a VR edition Celebrity in decent condition super cheap I'd consider it. Other than that this is the quiet end of a sad era in domestic automotive design. Some celebrities age well, and some don't.

A true Hooptie if there ever was one; the Blue J

BLUE J

I was strolling along on the island of Manhattan recently when I did a double take. What was this frumpy beater doing in a tony neighborhood like this?

What we have here is a 1988-1990 Chevrolet Cavalier that somebody painted blue with a brush and some cheap house paint. Absolutely nothing about this car is remarkable except for its condition. You know by looking at it for 2 seconds that this beast knows the city well.

Painting within the lines is so hard! Tape is super handy for these sorts of things, but that's not for Cavalier Owner! Cavalier Owner does what he feels, which looks like a combination of spray paint and brush touch-ups. The foggy droplets built up inside that turn signal sum it up nicely. Somewhere along the line the seal broke on that light and now there's a tiny weather system inside.

Parked in front of a classic walk-up and next to a school this thing really harkens back to earlier days in NYC. I'm sure this block was sketchy at some point in the late '80s when this ride was new.

BLAMMO! Every time I see a proud dent like this one I picture the old Batman TV series with POW! animations backing up the fights. This thing's been knocked around big time.

There's a mysterious wound under the corner taillight. I'm guessing this car was rear ended hard enough to warrant a replacement bumper? Regardless the metal under the lens being pushed in like that had me scratching my head. Hard to tell any repairs because they matched the paint so well.

The damage on this little ride is comprehensive! No body panel is spared. From the angle of the back seat it looks like someone got in and ripped it open to gain access to the trunk at some point. 

The Cavalier was built on Chevys J platform, which included such forgotten flops as the Oldsmobile Firenza, Buick Skyhawk, and Pontiac Sunbird. Perhaps the most infamous of all the J cars was the Cadillac Cimarron which was basically a Cavalier with leather seats, different grill and taillights, and Caddy badges. The hit to Cadillacs reputation was almost fatal before they upped their game with the mildly better Catera and CTS. 

The lines aren't really terrible for an '80s Chevy. A friend of mine had a rare Cavalier that was actually pretty fun to drive; it was an earlier model with 4 square headlights, 4 doors, BROWN as can be, and best of all a 5 speed manual! Never saw another one since.

Oh man this one has the auto trans alright, sticking up out of a pile of garbage. Aftermarket cassette deck hanging out of the too-big opening is a nice touch. The seats are just nasty. I'm not usually in favor of hanging perfumed trees from the rearview but if this was my ride I'd plant a whole Vanillaroma forest. *I like that vent under the dash pointing directly at the drivers crotch though!

Aww, I feel kinda bad picking on lil' Cavvy with its sad eyes and assortment of random lights. 

How fitting that this bus was passing when it did, as Reliant Transportation is the reason you still climb into this blue Hooptie day after day. There's something to be said for a car that's evolved into something else that can be parked in even the worst neighborhood at night though. If you took this car and drove it up to Westchester you'd end up with a kite tail of cops just waiting for your license plate light to go out, but here in the Big City she's another able donkey. Keep on keeping' on Cavalier!