The perfect metaphor for Volkswagen 2017

FROM ROLLIN' JOINTS TO ROLLIN' COAL

Scott from South Jersey sent the following pics from a vacation up in Maine and they gave me an ironic chuckle. Behold opposites ends of the same coin:

This is a 1981-1984 Volkswagen Rabbit pickup in a cool color I can't be sure of (Assuan Brown perhaps?). The Rabbit Pickup was a plot twist because it is a VW that was first introduced in North America. In fact it was built in Pennsylvania and was sold only in the U.S. from 1978-1982. When it was made available in Europe it was given the name Caddy.
Look at that ridiculous smokestack sticking up out of the bed! 

We can see from the emblem on the side of the tailgate that this is a diesel model. Diesel Volkswagens have been the darling of the biofuel set as they are very environmentally friendly. From the factory these would offer up to 50mpg when mated to a 5 speed stick shift (incidentally the 5th gear was labeled E for Economy!). However that smokestack is a part of the recent Rollin' Coal movement. When you're Rollin' Coal you are blowing the maximum amount of black smoke from your diesel exhaust to thumb your nose at wimpy Prius drivers (and increasingly "protesters"). I'm totally serious folks! I suppose it is the perfect metaphor for VW now that it famously got caught cheating on the diesel emissions software of their rides.
So here you have the beacon of hippie environmental consciousness transformed into a pinko hating vehicle for the Right. Who knew?
Thanks to Scott for this schizophrenic vision!

Stately German ambassador to Coney Island

STATELY GERMAN AMBASSADOR TO CONEY ISLAND

I was all the way at the very end of Ocean Parkway where it meets the boardwalk at Coney Island when I noticed 2 German stalwarts roosting. I've already featured the Beetle convertible so now it's time to go a little more upscale:

This is a 1980 Mercedes Benz 300D in Silver Blue Poly. In official company verbiage this ride is known as the W123 in U.S. spec. The only visible difference between the U.S. and Euro spec are the headlights. The Euro version has lights that look larger because they're all behind glass that spans the entire surface of the housing as opposed to the separate exposed head and fog lights here.

We know it's a post-1979 model since these fog lights are yellow as opposed to the clear lenses on the earlier cars. This ride is sporting USA and Puerto Rico flag badges on the grill along with another mysterious one. I have to say it's remarkable that this still has its hood ornament that sits up there like a piece of cheese in a trap to passersby.

This 300D is powered by a 3 liter inline-5 cylinder Diesel engine mated to an automatic transmission (there were no manual U.S. spec 300Ds). This engine earned a legendary reputation for durability with many going 300,000+ miles before requiring a rebuild. This car is a part tank and part Swiss watch.

These chrome cowl vents only lasted through the 1980 model year before switching to black plastic versions for the rest of the '80s. This, combined with the yellow fog lights, identifies this as a 1980.

Two Germans of the same vintage are getting familiar like a couple of dogs. Both of these enjoy timeless looks that still seem fresh today.

I chose not to feature these 1980s Mercedes 4 doors until today because they remain ubiquitous on the streets of NYC. I finally relented because cars that are 37 years old and being used as daily drivers by dozens of people deserve a big shout out. I've never owned one of these but I've had friends who did and they are very capable, comfortable cars. The seats along are a stroke of genius as most seem to be in good condition even at this age.

Even if that D wasn't on the trunklid you'd know this was a diesel by its telltale chattering sound. That's the sound of getting between 26-38 miles to the gallon for 300,000 miles. Once biodiesel conversions became popular these were perfect candidates. The engine blocks are made of iron and the older indirect injection style of these motors makes them very forgiving on what sort of fuel they will run on. You can literally add vegetable oil to the tank if you're in a pinch and this thing will start and run. I've even seen a biodiesel full size black Mercedes 500SEL that was the strangest collision of ethics; massive limo-style ride that smelled of french fries while running.

That's where I'll leave this proud little tank.
As I said earlier these rides can be found all over the place both on the streets and in classified ads. Parts are universally available and many owners vow to keep these until the day they die. Regularly scheduled maintenance can be a bit pricey since this is a Mercedes but if it is kept up this car will literally run forever. Parts are essentially the same for all body styles so the convertibles, station wagons, and 2 door coupes are equally easy to maintain.

Zero to Sixty in NINETEEN SECONDS? Let's call it the Dasher!

WE JAM ECONO

On a nice block in the South Slope area of Brooklyn I recently ran across this little lunchbox:

Yes! This is a 1979 Volkswagen Dasher Station Wagon in either Malaga Red or Indiana Red.

In Europe this model was known as the Passat since its launch in 1973. At that time it was mechanically identical to the Audi 80. As quirky as it looks now this car was one of the most advanced in the world back then.

This is the U.S. spec front end with 4 round headlights. Many parts of the world got one large rectangular headlight on each side. It looks eager to me, ready to dash! The tiny horizontal lines on the turn signal are just my kind of unnecessary detail.

For a 37 year old economy car this design holds up today. Not to mention it's in really spectacular condition overall. The soft downward curve of the hood is enough to differentiate it from the completely squared-off Japanese compacts of '79.

When I peeked inside I realized this really was my type of car because it has the manual transmission! It could be either a 4 or 5 speed. Those peanut butter pleather seats are even in good condition. The dashboard has some of the chintziest faux woodgrain possible but I think it adds to the quirky charm (kind of like that speaker right in the middle of the dash above the glove compartment). That is a tiny Castle Wolfsburg on the steering wheel by the way.

What car this age doesn't have any rust on the quarter panels? Amazing condition.

I'm totally into the practicality of small station wagons. Look at the visibility this thing offers! With such a large amount of glass there are virtually no blind spots.

O.k, let's talk about this for a minute. These days VW + diesel = global scandal. However in the '70s they were becoming known for insane reliability and unheard-of mileage. Reports of 50+mpg were common in diesel Rabbits, and they would run with only standard maintenance up to 300,000 miles! In the heavier Dasher the 48 horsepower motor (!) made it abysmally slow. You bought this to get somewhere at your own pace while filling up once a month.

It's the little details that signal a good design for me, such as the little kick-up at the lower rear edge of the rear side window. Take a look at just how odd the overall shape of this piece of glass is! On its own it looks like a dented rhombus, but on the car it helps it flow.

I'll take this rusty wheel well and rocker as proof that she's never been restored. The screws holding the trim in place over that repair might speak of a bottoming-out or minor accident.

Yeah I'm kind of thinking this was driven over too-high-a-curb at one point because this is really the only damage I can find. Once you let the rust in it creeps along munching the fender.

Woodgrain was mandatory in the '70s. Volkswagen complied in the most subtle way; roof rack woodgrain! What weirdo came up with this extra cost detail? I'll shake their hand!

Chrome on the door handle too; very classy. If you've ever opened the door to a Rolls-Royce it probably feels a bit like this.
*Up close and personal it does seem that there's some heavy makeup on this aging starlet. The orange peel of a so-so repaint is showing through.

This sweet little miser checks off so many marks for me; station wagon, vintage VW, stick shift, boxy '79 design, and old diesel technology. I would absolutely LOVE to own and drive this beast daily. If the owner ever googles their make and model and comes across this post looking to sell hit me up!