The perfect metaphor for Volkswagen 2017

FROM ROLLIN' JOINTS TO ROLLIN' COAL

Scott from South Jersey sent the following pics from a vacation up in Maine and they gave me an ironic chuckle. Behold opposites ends of the same coin:

This is a 1981-1984 Volkswagen Rabbit pickup in a cool color I can't be sure of (Assuan Brown perhaps?). The Rabbit Pickup was a plot twist because it is a VW that was first introduced in North America. In fact it was built in Pennsylvania and was sold only in the U.S. from 1978-1982. When it was made available in Europe it was given the name Caddy.
Look at that ridiculous smokestack sticking up out of the bed! 

We can see from the emblem on the side of the tailgate that this is a diesel model. Diesel Volkswagens have been the darling of the biofuel set as they are very environmentally friendly. From the factory these would offer up to 50mpg when mated to a 5 speed stick shift (incidentally the 5th gear was labeled E for Economy!). However that smokestack is a part of the recent Rollin' Coal movement. When you're Rollin' Coal you are blowing the maximum amount of black smoke from your diesel exhaust to thumb your nose at wimpy Prius drivers (and increasingly "protesters"). I'm totally serious folks! I suppose it is the perfect metaphor for VW now that it famously got caught cheating on the diesel emissions software of their rides.
So here you have the beacon of hippie environmental consciousness transformed into a pinko hating vehicle for the Right. Who knew?
Thanks to Scott for this schizophrenic vision!

Almost the Heartbeat of America

ALMOST THE HEARTBEAT OF AMERICA

I was walking around some area of Brooklyn that looks like the pics below (Dyker Heights? Bensonhurst? My own beloved Bay Ridge?) when this '80s Bro-mobile presented itself:

Yeah Bro!
This is a 1983-1985 Chevrolet Monte Carlo SS in White.
I know this car well because I went to high school in Carmel, New York from the late '80s through the early '90s. The Monte Carlo was ubiquitous with the gold-chain-over-your-black-sweater crowd. 

The Super Sport got this nifty aerodynamic front that incorporated the bumper and grill/headlight surrounds as one piece. The standard Monte had a chrome bumper below a stand-up grill and headlights set flush into the facade as opposed to these inset ones.

This shape is familiar to anyone who drove a Buick Regal, Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme, or Monte Carlo from 1978-1988. This is the G-Body platform (though from '78-'82 they referred to it as the A-Body even though it is the same). The G-Body cars were some of the final front engine, rear wheel drive domestic rides produced en masse. Sure the Taxi & Police stalwarts like the Crown Vic, Caprice, and luxury 4 door sleds from Buick & Cadillac continued through the '90s, but the nameplates that used the G-Body all went front wheel drive after '88.

The Chevy Bow Tie emblem sitting above the trunk lock is nicely understated. Our feature Monte was built moments before the Heartbeat of America ad campaign came out (which ran from '86-'93). While I couldn't locate a commercial for this exact car I did find a vintage Motor Trend review that surprisingly extolls the high performance capabilities of the '83 SS! Never mind that a basic Honda can outperform everything but the top speed these days. *Bonus campy faux moonshiner acting really makes it a groaner to watch.
That little spoiler/wing didn't do much but it was standard with the SS. Dual exhaust was also a part of the SS option package, as was a special "race-blue" interior (according to their brochure).

Since I'm featuring a car for sale I figure I ought to include the number in case a Monte Carlo fan is looking for a clean '80s SS. Those 6x9 speakers on the back deck could only be made more period correct if there was a Bazooka tube in the trunk hooked up to an Alpine deck.

For a while in the early '80s you could get bizarre combinations in your Monte Carlo. Diesel engines were available from '78-'84 (there were only 168 diesel Montes built in that final year!). Both 3 and 4 speed manual transmissions were optional from '78-'80. The Buick turbocharged V6 was a rare option in '80 which actually became a 1 year only model in '81 called the Monte Carlo Turbo. The famous Buick Grand National was essentially a G-Body Regal with that turbo motor and it was briefly the fastest American production car available, even beating out the Corvette!

From the side this thing looks capable and mean with its aerodynamic front and rear spoilers. This body style was very effective in Nascar during the late '70s. To try and retake some checkered flags in in 1987 they introducing the Monte Carlo Aerocoupe. The main difference between the regular and the Aerocoupe was that the back window was angled from the roofline to the rear of the trunk for greater aerodynamics. It is rare today (the Pontiac version was called the 2+2 and is even rarer).
Well that's that for this G-Body ride. My very first car was an '83 Cutlass Supreme Brougham that looked just like this (except for my sweet burgundy landau roof). When I was in my teenage years and people around me were getting their licenses these were some of the most common cars around. If I had a parking space I would consider another as a daily driver. If you like to work on your car this is the last gasp for old-school technology so they're easy and simple. If you do pick one up do yourself a favor and acquire some Z Cavaricci gear so you can come correct!  

Sweet little rally racer lying dormant in in Red Hook

CIVIC RALLY CROSS

Thankfully the late coming snow has now washed away or melted. However just a couple weeks ago this was the scene in Red Hook:

This tiny little car is a 1990 Honda CRX Si in Granada Black Poly.

I'm showing this pic next because it neatly sums up this entire ride. DOHC on that little trim piece indicates a Dual OverHead Cam engine.

 MUGEN equipped stands for the Mugen Motorsports company. Mugen was founded by the son of the founder of Honda; Soichiro Honda. As a result it is about as legit a badge of aftermarket performance parts as you will find.

Combine those details with a broken marker light, rusted brake rotor, and dented fender and that's this CRX in a nutshell.

The CRX was introduced in 1983 as a 2 seater version of the Civic. The three letters stand for Civic Rally Cross.

As dusty and beat as this thing looks now somebody spent a lot of money on modifications at some point. This is a race car parked on the street. The hood is a fiberglass replacement with a cheesy deep reverse scoop accented in LOOK AT ME purple.  

These cars are tiny - just over 12 feet long. From the factory even the earliest, most frugal models handled incredibly well. Parking is so easy that it's like having a private space wherever you go.

This was a great era for Honda. There was a 4 wheel steering option for the Prelude where the rear wheels turned slightly in the opposite direction of the fronts. The result was a Honda that outperformed Ferrari and Porsche in handling! That innovation combined with the legendary durability of their cars was spectacular for their reputation.

All CRXs are true 2 seaters. I rode in one back in high school as the 3rd person and it entailed jamming my legs between the front seats and laying flat in the trunk area, looking up at the sky. There is ZERO extra room in these!

This tiny wing probably helps with the already enviable drag coefficient. 

That shockingly green thing in the window looks to me to be a valve cover. Maybe the engine is disassembled at the moment? Actually upon further review it looks like an engine in a plastic tub.

Yeah bro now we move on to the bro area of this ride. BUILT NOT BOUGHT is the sort of ridiculous macho crap that dudes slap on their car for other dudes to admire. Please rotate your hat and show respect. Do you even lift bro?

Cool dude I totally get it! That little sticker means kiss your ass right? Sweet!

Putting blackout stickers over your taillights seems ridiculous to me. The best thing about the bumper with those 6 holes in it is that it's cracked and might be replaced.

In many ways this design is similar to the '71-'73 Ford Mustang Sportsroof (fastback) as each has an equally useless rear window. Unlike the Mustang Honda augmented the visibility by making that panel between the taillights and the wing out of glass. Heavily tinted as it is you can still see through it enough to back up without hitting something.

I bagged on the bro-mods a bit but in reality I've always loved the CRX. It was eventually replaced by the Del Sol which has a removable targa roof but lost some of the charm of the original for me. If you somehow found one of these that was rust free or close to it in running condition I would highly recommend picking it up. You'd be hard pressed to find a better blend of fun and reliability.