Mandatory woodgrain for reals

MERCURY IN RETROGRADE

It was obviously nighttime when I encountered this patchwork behemoth, but I decided it needed to be immortalized regardless. Behold the Mercury Colony Park Station Wagon from 1983-1987.  

This thing has been worked over brutally in it's lifetime, and looks damn tough as a result. First of all it was obviously in an accident substantial enough to warrant the replacement of both doors and the front fender on the driver's side. The woodgrain is the tell-tale sign as it stops at the back door after wrapping 3/4 of the way around the car! Plain black steel wheels add to the immensely evil vibe this thing is emanating.

I found it parked on the streets with the front and tailgate windows wide open because, why not? Maybe this is what a human-sized mousetrap looks like. "Come on in" it seems to say in a "We all float down here Georgie" kinda way (Pennywise the clown from It of course). The headliner's given up and is doing it's part to re-imagine the interior as a haunted cave. Of course the taillight's broken, how could it be any other way?

Here's a shot of the creamy interior in either "Ford Opal" or "French Vanilla" color (the exterior is boringly named Ford White). I have a thing for white interiors, especially when there's a bold woodgrain stripe running along the tops of the door panels! Unlike the Ford station wagon, all the woodgrain was mandatory on the Colony Park wagon (which is a great decision by the company).

The front has evidence of barging it's way through traffic when people don't get out of the way. No side lamp in the lower fender as it's just too pretentious a detail. Hood stuck open just enough to be menacing, as if a huge trapdoor spider is about to lunge out and grab a pedestrian.

You should see the other guy! Seriously, this is as big as cars got in the mid-1980s; whatever was on the receiving end of this damage very well could have been retired on the spot. Not Mercury! A big shout-out goes to the owner for salvaging the tiny woodgrain-filled trim and attaching it to the replacement signal housing, as if losing all the woodgrain on the driver's side was too much to bear. Such futility in the fact that this car was repaired after a huge collision only to find itself up to more mayhem. It would probably be fine if it weren't for those meddling kids!

Now believe it or not Mercury took the trouble of matching the woodgrain pattern when they covered the gas filler door, which means that this is a replacement. The owner actually took the trouble of finding a woodgrain covered gas door while the entire front half was deforested. 

It's impossible to discern from this night pic but the woodgrain is dented in above the wheel well where it meets the door to the point where you could reach your hand in to pick the lock. This beast was T-boned properly and lives to tell the tale.

 Well here's to the persistence of this Park owner in keeping it alive for another year. I heard a band practicing from one of the nearby apartments, so I'm hoping this is a drummer's gear vehicle. With any luck it'll be on tour again soon.