The wrong car at the wrong time

AMERICA!

I found myself upstate recently when this glorious vision of Patriotism washed over me. Behold Z34!

This is a 1990-1994 Chevrolet Lumina Z34 in Red. Remember the Lumina? Maybe not, but if you do did you have any idea that there was a high performance version?
This is firmly in the category of rare cars that aren't worth seeking out or repairing. However if one falls into your lap it might be a fun ride to stink up a local car show with.

The Lumina was the replacement for the Celebrity which is like trading one big yawn for another. To be fair the automotive landscape from the early '80s through the early 2000s was bleak. Think Chevy Beretta, Corsica, Dodge Spirt, Plymouth Acclaim, and the like. Lumina showed up just in time to provide utterly forgettable transportation for the '80s hot shots that lost everything in the crash of '89.

Styling was "meh"; kinda slippery in the wind tunnel but about as exciting as a blank sheet of paper. The Z34 was gussied up with ground effects, a wing, a solid panel covering the grill area, and tough looking vents in the hood. There were only 6 colors available and I think the Red does a fine job of conveying a sporty vibe.

The main competitors for the Z34 were the turbocharged Dodge Spirit RT and Ford Taurus SHO. Out of the three I think this one looks the toughest but it was actually the slowest.

Top speed for this bad boy when new? A mere 113mph. Zero-to-sixty took a little over 7 seconds which isn't bad for a standard sedan, but this is the sport edition! Both the aforementioned Spirit RT and Taurus SHO would eventually make their way up to 140mph. 

Beneath this gleaming red hood lies a 3.4 liter V6 good for a modest 210 horsepower. A manual transmission was available if you really wanted to squeeze every bit of action out of your Lumina.

Back in the Gulf War era this was The Heartbeat of America! These days it's just a forgotten outfielder on Old Timer's Day. The asking price was $2,500 OBO which is about a grand higher than most value guides suggest. My memories of driving and riding around in early '90s American cars makes me feel like I never need to get into one again. I'm always amused to see a sport version of a family car or any special edition from this forlorn era so here it is. 

Ford Mustang BLECH edition

SLIPPERY, BEAT DOWN FOX IN PONY CLOTHING

I was a few blocks up from my apartment recently when a nauseous feeling came over me in waves. Reeling a bit and clutching my gut I knew what it was: a 4th gen Mustang!

This is a 1994-1998 Ford Mustang convertible in Medium Seafoam Poly. It has achieved full Hooptie status with an array of beater calling cards. 

This thing looks like an old prizefighter trying to smile through the pain.
The Fox body Mustang that preceded this era had a monumentally successful run of 15 years so a revamp was way overdue. Ford supposedly spent a cool $700,000,000 on updating every aspect of the car. Reigning in noise and vibration were top concerns but really the update was comprehensive.

Oh yeah this is where we get into the serious NYC action! In one glimpse we have the following: scrapes, dents, a Bond repair, a missing light (with another held in place with tape), different color fender, and front wheels so riddled with brake dust that they may as well have been steeping in a bucket of tea.

You know what though? The top goes down when the weather is nice so all is forgiven. I've purchased and flaunted some truly forlorn buckets simply because they were convertibles.

Believe it or not this is actually an updated version of the Fox body and is listed as FOX-4 in Ford company literature. As a vehicle platform the Fox body was one of the most successful in modern history with 26 total years of use (if you allow for adjustments over the years).
I recently rewatched E.T. for the first time since seeing it new in the theaters. Imagine my surprise when every government agent in the movie is driving a Ford Fairmont! Original Fox Body action!

Looks like this ride lost its trunk lid mounted wing at some point. Offering zero in performance the wing was cartoonishly curvy and plump. 

From this angle it looks like any rounded '90s car. The Chrysler Sebring wasn't much different. The rounded body reduced drag in a big way when compared to previous models.

Well that's where I'll leave my least favorite Mustang of all time. As I said before I will forgive just about any convertible on its top down merits so this will be filed under acceptable transportation. However a hardtop V6 version of this would interest me about as much as a Taurus. Still, I'm duty bound to give it up for anyone repairing their car with tape. Hat's off FOX-4!

Kevin McHale's sweet limo? Obviously

KEVIN McHALE'S SWEET LIMO? OBVIOUSLY

Contributor Max recently sent the following pics from the corner of Avenue C and 14th Street in Manhattan. The backdrop of the first pic is the Con Edison facility that found itself completely submerged during Hurricane Sandy, causing everything below 34th Street to be without power for almost a week. This hooptie represents the last remaining damage:

Gawd look at this beat down Frankenstein ride. The grill is red with the blood of its enemies! The bumper has been painted black and fitted with some fog lamps. As far as the flat black sections between the grill and lights and the hood, and along the top of the fenders I can only imagine this has been in some front end collisions and repaired as needed on the cheap. the CELT 32 plate means this is definitely owned by "one of the NBA's 50 greatest players" Kevin McHale of the Boston Celtics. Nobody said life after basketball would be easy, player!

I'm late with the information but this is a 1993/1994 Lincoln Town Car. Anyone who's been anywhere near NYC knows that these were ubiquitous as the T&LC black car limos. While they started out more luxurious than the yellow cabs they were driven just as much, routinely clocking 500,000 miles or more before either being cannibalized for parts or sold at auction. The upside for buying a vehicle like this is that you can get parts anywhere in the city and even major repairs like a transmission change can be done on the spot by dozens of 24/7 taxi repair shops.
Shout-out to the half landau roof and big sunroof! 

The back has been curiously bedazzled with a wolf head above the Flag of Ireland flanked by red stripes on the window. Red tape striping has shown up above the taillights as well as the lower trunk lip. This bumper was also spray painted black (as was the entire lower half of the car it looks like!) except for the bottom which is bright red. Quad exhaust tips and triple antennas round out the mayhem.
Well that's that: a New York City icon repping a Boston icon by way of Ireland by way of New Jersey. If there were ever a hooptie you could park anywhere in the 5 boroughs without worry this is it. Like anything used ruthlessly and discarded they may indeed become rare as time goes by. When was the last time you saw a Checker?

Lipstick on a Pig, or one of the hardest naturally occurring minerals

LIPSTICK ON A PIG

The more common the car the easier it is for it to go extinct before anybody notices. Think of the Passenger Pigeon being hunted to oblivion without any public outrage. Here's the final pigeon:

This is a 1992 Mercury Topaz in Cayman Blue Poly. I took these pictures because I was surprised to see one at all in 2017.

The Topaz is the twin sibling to the Ford Tempo. Both were built from 1984-1994 and picked up where the Fairmont and Zephyr left off. This is one baby step above the basic transportation of the Escort/Lynx. The full width front light bar is much like that of the larger Sable so you have to give it up for design continuity across different models.

YAWN.

This is a GS; the commonest Topaz. It is the mid-tier trim level with nothing remarkable about it. There were a few interesting variations including the GL-AWD which was all wheel drive, and the XR5 and LTS; both high performance versions with the former being a coupe and the latter a sedan.

If you have trouble sleeping here's a dealer training video of the 1990 Tempo.

This ride is similar to several smaller cars built around the same time that weren't quite as popular. The Dodge Shadow and Plymouth Sundance look very much like the Topaz even though they come from a competing company.

The Ford Taurus is widely regarded as being a watershed, game changing design. It heralded the arrival of a bulbous, rounded shape in which the windows and doors were integrated seamlessly for a slippery drag coefficient. The Tempo/Topaz line shares many of those traits and is a transitional shape from the boxes of the '80s to the bubbles of the '90s.

I was feeling a bit too exposed to really press up against the glass but suffice it to say you're not missing much. 2 things are on display in this pic that are very much of the era; stereo and cruise control buttons being located on the steering wheel, and that automatic track-mounted shoulder belt. Anyone who's experienced the shoulder belt automatically trundling back until it pinches your neck hates it. Thankfully they disappeared when airbags were deemed standard equipment, but they reigned in some regard from 1975-1987, and on all new cars from 1990-1995.

Topaz the gemstone is one of the hardest naturally occurring minerals. The Topaz has a MOHS hardness of 8!

Oh yeah this little punk has been around. I was happy to see at least a little tape repair to liven things up. Being on the passengers front corner I'm gonna go ahead and blame the driver 100% for this one. Taking a corner a bit wide or not quite noticing how close the parked cars are can do this easily.

Well there you have it; an utterly forgotten luxury version of a car that might as well be called BASIC TRANSPORTATION.
Mercury as a brand is no longer with us in 2017, which is kind of a shame. From its beginnings before WWII through the 1970s Mercury built so many amazing cars. They were always a luxury offshoot of Ford but they even managed some unique and awesome muscle cars with the Cougar and Cyclone. By the time this little Topaz was sold new Mercury was relegated to only producing cars identical to Ford but with slightly better trim. Their last big hit was the Grand Marquis but the demographic buying them grew older and died off (if that sounds harsh I assure you that their own internal research found that this is how it went down!). In the very end a gussied-up Ford Explorer called the Mountaineer was the first called to the chopping block. Within a year all other Mercury products followed suit, bringing the 72 year old nameplate to a finish in 2011.

Cobblestone appreciation post with bonus Olds

COBBLESTONE APPRECIATION POST WITH BONUS OLDS

I found myself walking through the post apocalyptic wasteland of the soon to be developed Gowanus Canal when I found an equally war torn hooptie:

This is a 1993 Oldsmobile Cutlass Ciera in Medium Garnet Red Poly. My main reason for featuring this ride at all was the awesome setting. 

This is the same make and model the bad guys got as partial kidnapping payment in the movie Fargo (though theirs was an '87).

The Cutlass Ciera was introduced in 1982 and production continued through 1996. It was the top selling Oldsmobile during its entire run. Since the larger Cutlass was a massive hit for Olds they named most of their cars some derivative of the name. At one point in the '80s you could've bought a Cutlass Supreme, Cutlass Ciera, Cutlass Calais, and a Cutlass Cruiser (which was a wagon). They were available in front wheel drive, rear wheel drive, 2 door, 4 door, station wagon, and convertible.

This forlorn bucket is powered by a 3.3 liter Buick V6 good for a yawn-inducing 160 horsepower. Dig that typical-for-the-era paint job with the clear coat peeling off in sheets.

In heavy shadow this car looks perfectly normal. How many cobble stone streets remain in Brooklyn?

We're looking East towards Carrol Gardens in this pic. One day very soon this image will be an historical document with a location unrecognizable due to development.

These cars sold so well that GM didn't really want to change the design. The caveat was that they became known as the quintessential retirement car. Reliability was excellent as every little quirk had been worked out by the time this was built. 

Here is the interior which I would rate as perfectly adequate. If you have no need for excitement and just need transportation and comfort this car was made for you.

This side has seen all the action from dents and scrapes to a very dubious color matching with the touch up paint. 

I was killing a lovely afternoon walking each block that dead-ends at the Gowanus Canal when I saw this. The setting looks more like Detroit or Camden that modern day Brooklyn so I was taken with it. Most of the cobble stone (actually Belgian Block) streets of Dumbo have been sterilized; replaced with uniform paving stones meant to give the impression of the originals (they fail miserably at this). The Belgian granite stones that make up these few remaining holdouts came to NYC as ship ballast in the 1830s! To encounter them today is a rare treat. Viva Gowanus!

F for Friday, F for Fox, and F for mad Fahrvergnügen

Fahrvergnügen

Look at this little box of fun. Doesn't it look like fun? Not really? Okay. Well this was sitting on a Red Hook street recently and I marveled at how long it had been since I'd seen one.

This is a 1990 Volkswagen Fox in (mostly) Tornado Red. Even though it was sold in North America for 8 years from 1987-1993 the Fox is an utterly forgotten car.

Two things happened in the U.S. that facilitated the Fox showing up on our streets: Yugo and Hyundai. These two interlopers came out of nowhere (Korea and Yugoslavia actually) with new cars advertised at astonishingly low prices. VW had these cheap wheels already in production in South America so they quickly brought them north to compete. The Fox was the cheapest VW of its era.

People can't resist striking poses in front of vintage European classics!
In 1990 VW had a new ad campaign centered around the word Fahrvergnügen. This is a made-up amalgamation of the German words fahren (to drive) and Vergnügen (enjoyment). The tagline was "Fahrvergnügen: It's what makes a car a Volkswagen". The campaign lasted only 2 years but this car was sold during that time. I wonder if the driver feels enjoyment every time they turn the key?

The Fox was available in 2 and 4 door sedans as well as a pretty cool 2 door wagon. The wagon was halted after 1991.

The Fox was manufactured and sold in Brazil as the VW Gol. That's right GOL like Golf without the Fun. This was no flash in the pan either. It was introduced in 1980 and production continues today.

All of the Foxes in North America had a fuel injected inline 1.8 Liter 4 cylinder engine. Despite the small engine the gas mileage was rated at 22 city and 27 highway. Not too impressive Foxy!

This interior shot is utterly useless save for one detail: the stick shift that we can see poking up from the floor. This is the one detail that guarantees at least a little Fahrvergnügen: the Fox was only available with a manual transmission. *I can't think of another car between '87 and '92 that didn't have an automatic trans as an option.
*Actually the Yugo didn't offer an auto trans until 1990 but calling that a car is a stretch!

This hardy little beast needs to be commended for existing on the city streets at almost 30 years of age. In many ways this is what VW did best; basic transportation.

Well that's where I'll leave this little lunchbox. These white noise cars come and go throughout history and tend to only get noticed once most of them have disappeared. However unlike other forgotten dogs like the Chevy Beretta the Fox was a good little car. Zero frills, cheap cost, and extremely available parts all make for a usable ride. Just don't expect to restore one as it wouldn't even be worth the cost of a paint job when complete. If you found one in museum condition I still wouldn't think it would be worth more than 3 or 4 grand.
Take a good look folks! These are marching towards extinction.

A car of tomorrow forgotten today

A CAR OF TOMORROW FORGOTTEN TODAY

"Ahead of its time" is a term offered as an excuse for any number of automotive flops. I once owned an Edsel which some people say was too ahead of its time. In reality the Edsel was aggressively futuristic but it was released into a now-forgotten mini recession market saturated with cars from the postwar shopping spree. The following car, while ahead of its time, was just too pricey and didn't quite have the doo-dads enthusiasts wanted. It was also too pricey. Regardless I was surprised to see one parked on the Carroll Gardens/Gowanus border recently:

This is a 1992 Subaru SVX in Pure White (as opposed to the also available Polar White).

In the background you can see the highest elevation subway station in the world. I realize this sounds like an oxymoron, but so did the notion of a high performance Subaru in these pre-Impreza and WRX days. Subaru was known for their quirky 4wd wagons, frumpy DL sedans and coupes, and bizarre BRAT in the '80s and early '90s. Seemingly out of nowhere came this exciting grand tourer.

The design of this ride came from the pen of Giorgetto Giugiaro who was responsible for such landmark vehicles as the DeLorean, Lotus Esprit, and VW Golf. That doesn't change the fact that this wrap-around window glass reminds me of the Ford Probe.

There's no secret code to break here folks - the SVX stands for Subaru Vehicle X. It was available with only one drivetrain option; a flat 6 cylinder mated to an automatic transmission. The engine was remarkably powerful and efficient but the lack of a manual transmission kept the SVX from being an immediate widespread success with the high-horsepower rally set.

 This example has been around a bit with scuffs and scrapes all over.

This ride was perhaps a bit too ambitious when it came out and sales were sluggish. To top it all off this car was no joke expensive at the time. They've always been scarce but now are truly rare. Like anything high performance and obscure the SVX now enjoys a cult following. Many owners elect to swap in a 5 speed manual to complete the sports cars they think Subaru only started.

*No matter high high tech your ride was when new you can expect to see jumper cables on the back seat when it hits 25 years of age,

Perhaps the most unique design feature is on display here with the window within a window treatment. Subaru bragged that it was airplane technology and helped immensely with the drag coefficient, etc, but the public thought it was weird. This car is the successor to the Subaru XT which was also an aerodynamic 2 door coupe. It was much more angular in design and looked like the rest of the Subaru lineup.

Over the span of 1991-1996 only 14,000+ were produced. At only 2,333 per year it can be a tough ride to track down. Some people do search them out as the performance was fast and tight, and you'll never be lost in the classic Japanese crowd. I'd like to drive one for a couple hours and give it back. Replacing parts on 25 year old computerized cars can be ruinous. Take a good look though as you might not see another!