Fratzogs by Night

Fratzogs by Night

I've had a list of drafts from well over a year ago sitting in the queue waiting for me to dust off this blog. Some of the photos are 2 years old or more and generations of phones ago. The pics below I believe were sent to me from Robin of Omaha. Behold the nighttime Hooptie!

This is a 1965 Dodge Coronet 440 in Medium Turquoise Poly. It's easy to pinpoint the '65 because both the year before and the year after this one had a center divider splitting the grill.
There are a couple details I love on the front of this ride. First are the Fratzogs (a made-up word for the triangular symbol used by Mopar through the '60s) mounted above the outer headlights. The second detail is that only the section between the inboard headlights is actually a functioning grill. All the small slat openings around the headlights are black paint!

Most Coronet 440s were equipped with V8 engines. The base was a 2 barrel 318, but you had the option of a 361, 383, or the mighty 426 Hemi for the first time. Customers who chose the Hemi had the option of dual 4 barrel carbs and a floor mounted 4 speed manual! Chances are that this ride has the pushbutton automatic mounted on the dash next to the radio.

This handsome piece of side trim was only on the mid level 440 series. The base model had a chrome line that ran lower along the body from the rear of the front wheel opening to the back of the car. The top of the heap 500 had a thin chrome spear along the full length of the car with 3 colored rectangles at the front. These are the correct, original hubcaps for the car by the way.

It's tough to see in the above dark lighting but this is equipped with reverse lights. They weren't standard on the base Coronet but they were included on the 440.

We'll leave this beast with an admiring view of the gargantuan trunk.
4 door sedans are the least sexy, least valuable classics to get, but they tend to live gentler lives. This is the quintessential family car, possibly surviving because some nice old lady garaged it for decades. Mopars from the 1960s are famously reliable and easy to work on. If you run across one of these in good condition for cheap you might have the perfect classic daily driver on your hands.

Ever see the end credits for Superbad?

THE OLDEST CAR I'VE EVER OWNED (YET)

I believe these pics were sent to me from the man on the street, Robin of Omaha. Somewhere under the BQE between Williamsburg and Greenpoint roosts the following XXX beauty:

This is a 1947 Dodge D24 Custom Town Sedan in what I think is Panama Sand. It is filthy and as a result has been festooned with penises. Somewhere out there is a person with a dirty mind and a dirtier finger, and for that I salute them!

Look at this big dumb mug.
This represents a slightly improved holdover from the pre-WWII years. From this angle we can see that the hood is hinged down the middle, with each side opening up like wings. The massive fenders are mostly separate from the body which would look ridiculously outdated within a couple years. Those big square turn signal lenses are made of thick glass with magnifying facets like those of a lighthouse light. These cars were 6 volt so the puny lights needed the extra help. 

There are no hubcaps on this side and even a donut on the back!
The Custom was the highest trim level of the D-24 series, with the Town Sedan being a specific body style. The easiest way to discern a Town Sedan is that the rear doors are hinged in the front whereas the other 4 door models had suicide doors in the rear. Another detail is that there is no rear quarter window behind the rear door which all other 4 doors had. Lastly the Town Sedan came on a wheelbase 18" longer than the others. Think of this as the modest mans limo.

The sheer amount of manhood somebody scribbled on this ride is incredible!
The trunk on this ride is so mighty that the spare tire stands upright to one side within. 

Looking good with wide white walls, hubcaps, and beauty rings on the driver's side! This beast is powered by the 230 inline 6 cylinder mated to a 3 speed standard transmission. A notable option for this era was the Fluid-Drive; a semi-automatic transmission where you didn't need the clutch to shift into 2nd or 3rd gears. If it were so equipped it would have Fluid-Drive in red script on the rear bumper.

Well that's where we'll leave this slumbering behemoth waiting for a bath.
The oldest car I ever owned was a 1947 Dodge. While driving through North Providence one day back in the '90s when I passed it sitting on a dirt lot with "$850 - runs" written on the windshield. I made my way to a pay phone (!) and dialed the number on the spot. The guy came down and it fired right up. After driving it around the lot a few times I went to the bank and gave him the 850. It was massive and handled like a dump truck but was equipped with Fluid Drive and was in really good condition actually. A few weeks into my brief ownership I lost the brakes completely on my way down a gentle hill (the pedal dropped to the floor like dropping a book on a table - NO brakes!). I slowly ran a red light on my way back to the friends driveway I was parking it at and managed to park it without issue. Realizing I was in over my head (in college without a garage or money) I sold it for what I paid for it to a local guy. They aren't worth much today but I still get nostalgic when I see one.

First of its kind but last call before World War II

FIRST OF ITS KIND BUT LAST CALL BEFORE WWII

As the green leaves suggest these pics were snapped in Summer. I was driving upstate when I passed what looks to be an abandoned project. I had to turn around and pull over!

This is a 1941 Chevrolet Fleetline that may have once been painted Volunteer Green Poly. This car doesn't show up in any of the Chevy literature for 1941 as the Fleetline was a late addition to the model year. This simple 4 door was the only version available initially.

Despite looking truly abandoned this ride has many (if not all) of its components either installed or roosting in the backseat. A full set of original hubcaps still bearing a hint of the red accent swoops is present. One look at the dry rot on this tire and you know its only function will be to roll this on and off of a trailer. I was kind of shocked they held air at all.

Calamity!
This is what happens when you drop your car off for a full restoration and stop paying your bills. All of the trim has been carefully removed and most of the paint has been sanded off. Evidence of smoothed out Bondo where dents or rust repair were are visible all over. This beast looks like it was almost ready for paint when the clock stopped.

Yeah I know this is a terrible pic. I only include it to show off that upholstery.

This roofline is unique to the Fleetline as every other 4 door Chevy had rear quarter windows behind the rear doors. The worst of the body seems to be the rocker panels and lower door edges. OG paint remains only around the door glass.

The rockers on this side have been cut out completely. I'm guessing this was the straw that broke the camel's back.

"Runs & Drives!" meant slowly even when new. Under this mighty hood sits the 216 Blue Flame inline 6 cylinder engine good for a mere 90 horsepower. A three on the tree transmission and drum brakes all around complete the chilled expectations. This engine was later bored out to 235cc and it was a higher performance version of that block that powered the original Corvettes from 1953-1955. Variations of this motor were produced from 1937-1963. 

The lines for this are pretty sweet in my opinion. Production of all passenger automobiles ceased in 1942 so the factories could be used for the war effort. When production resumed in 1945 there was a pent up demand for new cars so they built what they could which meant that this car was produced with very little change through 1948. However back in '41 this was up to date.

Unfortunately these rides aren't worth much even in pristine condition. I can almost imagine the series of phone calls reaching the end of the line for this thing pretty quickly.

Someone probably drove this to the shop proudly figuring it didn't need much. They removed the paint and found damage which they started to repair. Then the rocker panel bad news came along with estimates for the interior and re-chroming. At that point you realize that you can go to the classic market and buy a perfectly preserved example for what you've already put into it.

Another scenario is that the elderly owner wants to restore his first car. The project starts and the owner dies or can't drive anymore. The relatives either try to sell it or look into finishing the restoration and see that the cost far outweighs the reward. Unless you have a deep emotional connection to a car like this it is akin to restoring a 1983 Ford Escort from the ground up.
*Notice the tiny opening at the bottom of the grill above the ER in New Jersey on the license plate. That's where you would put the crank if your starter failed! A true holdover detail.
**I also have no idea what that round thing is under the right turn signal.

I include two pics of the interior to show different aspects. Here you can see a perfectly round hole in the floor under the driver's feet. In my '47 Dodge this was an access panel for the master cylinder so I'm guessing it's the same.

The interior is actually pretty nice with the optional clock on the passenger side and speedometer in lovely condition. The horn ring is in place and the Bakelite gearshift knob is intact. My '47 Dodge had a massive under dash heater that would be clearly visible. Who knows if this came with one or not? If this ride was delivered to a Southern state there's a good chance it was never built with one. If you were a serious penny pincher you could order your Chevy without one all the way up through the mid-'60s but who would order a clock before a heater?
Well that will do it for this well worn example of a mass produced, very old car that few people want. Best bet for this beast would be for a father/son project or for someone to rat rod it out. I know it's sacrilege to say that about a running 76 year old car, but a truly stunning '46 fastback Fleetline sold recently for $3,800 so you know the cards are stacked against this thing.
Good luck faded trooper!

The greatest wrong car at the wrong time

E FOR EXPERIMENTAL, EDSEL, AND EXTINCT

Big thanks to Neen from the Empire Region who sent these lovely snaps in of a landmark footnote brightening up a driveway in Glens Falls, NY!
There are a few automobiles in history that have a reputation that transcends reality. Not every Ford Pinto is going to explode if hit in the rear. Not every Rolls Royce is a great car (I'm looking at you, Carmague). The hardest sell to the general public will be this statement: The Edsel is not and never was a bad car!

This is a 1958 Edsel Pacer in two-tone Snow White over Spruce Green Poly. This beast is a Greatest Hits of late '50s styling; flashy chrome, tall and wide shape, and Jet Age features like the head and tail lights jutting out in their own enclosures. Still there is one big, rounded design elephant in the room that the public couldn't see past. 

That wide open Horse Collar center grill looks like a jet engine intake to me, and I'm sure that was the intention of the lead designers. I don't know if it was too advanced or too ugly, but once an auto journalist proclaimed that it looked "like an Oldsmobile sucking a lemon", that's all the public could see.

Horse collar was one commonly used term, toilet seat was another. Regardless this center grill opening proved too daring for 1958. The following year would see this same basic look toned way down. The 1959 Edsel had no space between the three grill components and the center collar was much smaller. The hood ornament is an E suspended in glass which is a neat look.
*E was the given name for this ride while it was in development, standing for Experimental. After a committee within Ford tossed around dozens of potential names they chose Edsel. The name proved too hard to place for the public, one of the many missteps in this sad story.

The dimensions are pure Ford of this era. This one is as minty fresh as can be! The fit and finish where the grill and headlight surrounds meet the body is flawless. That chrome spear running along the fender is laser straight. Everything about this Edsel says "show winner".

The shape of the vent window shows just how far the wrap-around windshield goes. That green upholstery is perfect and correct.
The Edsel was the most expensive car to build up to that point at 250 million dollars just in research and design. This made it all the more tragic once it was deemed a flop after just 2 years (not to mention it takes its name from Edsel Ford; son of the company founder Henry Ford.

All that design money went into myriad innovations, some of them downright bonkers. For instance take a look at the center of the steering wheel. Where 99% of auto makers put the horn the '58 Edsel had their Teletouch system; a push button automatic transmission. That's all fine and good when operating under normal conditions, but when you truly need the horn you're instead slamming your palm into a cluster of buttons, throwing the car out of gear in the process! As you might imagine this lasted only 1 year before switching to a traditional column shifter.

Another cool feature was the speedometer which is barely visible in the pic above. Through the vent window there is a round dial identical to the one on the other side of the wheel. Above that dial you can just about see what looks to be a glass dome laying flat with a chrome band along the bottom. Within that dome is a round speedometer where the numbers are written around the angled edge. The inner dome would circle around while the needle was stationary. 

From this angle all we see is a beautiful 1950s sedan with its two-tone cove and rear panel.

The wheel wells lean forward giving the impression of movement. The trunk is gargantuan!

Unfortunately the Edsel was such a horrific disaster that its name became synonymous with failure. Not only did it look odd, but it was released into the now-forgotten mini recession of 1958. They never had their own dedicated factory, with Edsel being built in Ford and Mercury plants, usually at the same time. Imagine assembling 30 Mercurys in a row and then 3 Edsels come along on the assembly line! As a worker you have to grab the necessary tools for the Edsel out of another bin, perform your tasks, and then switch back to your usual Mercury gear. As a result there was great variation in build quality.
I had an Edsel once. When I was home from college I passed by a 1959 Edsel Ranger 2 door with $450 written on the windshield. Being a '59 it wasn't quite as odd as the '58 but it still captured everyones imagination who saw it. Registering it involved forging the signature of a man who'd been dead over 10 years as it had been sold several times but never registered after the 1st owner. My ownership of this heavily neglected beast was brief but entertaining. One day while driving I realized there was a mini pedal under the dash to the right of the accelerator. I stepped on it and the windshield wipers moved once! A great and forgotten feature from a maligned and wrongly accused car.

Lipstick on a Pig, or one of the hardest naturally occurring minerals

LIPSTICK ON A PIG

The more common the car the easier it is for it to go extinct before anybody notices. Think of the Passenger Pigeon being hunted to oblivion without any public outrage. Here's the final pigeon:

This is a 1992 Mercury Topaz in Cayman Blue Poly. I took these pictures because I was surprised to see one at all in 2017.

The Topaz is the twin sibling to the Ford Tempo. Both were built from 1984-1994 and picked up where the Fairmont and Zephyr left off. This is one baby step above the basic transportation of the Escort/Lynx. The full width front light bar is much like that of the larger Sable so you have to give it up for design continuity across different models.

YAWN.

This is a GS; the commonest Topaz. It is the mid-tier trim level with nothing remarkable about it. There were a few interesting variations including the GL-AWD which was all wheel drive, and the XR5 and LTS; both high performance versions with the former being a coupe and the latter a sedan.

If you have trouble sleeping here's a dealer training video of the 1990 Tempo.

This ride is similar to several smaller cars built around the same time that weren't quite as popular. The Dodge Shadow and Plymouth Sundance look very much like the Topaz even though they come from a competing company.

The Ford Taurus is widely regarded as being a watershed, game changing design. It heralded the arrival of a bulbous, rounded shape in which the windows and doors were integrated seamlessly for a slippery drag coefficient. The Tempo/Topaz line shares many of those traits and is a transitional shape from the boxes of the '80s to the bubbles of the '90s.

I was feeling a bit too exposed to really press up against the glass but suffice it to say you're not missing much. 2 things are on display in this pic that are very much of the era; stereo and cruise control buttons being located on the steering wheel, and that automatic track-mounted shoulder belt. Anyone who's experienced the shoulder belt automatically trundling back until it pinches your neck hates it. Thankfully they disappeared when airbags were deemed standard equipment, but they reigned in some regard from 1975-1987, and on all new cars from 1990-1995.

Topaz the gemstone is one of the hardest naturally occurring minerals. The Topaz has a MOHS hardness of 8!

Oh yeah this little punk has been around. I was happy to see at least a little tape repair to liven things up. Being on the passengers front corner I'm gonna go ahead and blame the driver 100% for this one. Taking a corner a bit wide or not quite noticing how close the parked cars are can do this easily.

Well there you have it; an utterly forgotten luxury version of a car that might as well be called BASIC TRANSPORTATION.
Mercury as a brand is no longer with us in 2017, which is kind of a shame. From its beginnings before WWII through the 1970s Mercury built so many amazing cars. They were always a luxury offshoot of Ford but they even managed some unique and awesome muscle cars with the Cougar and Cyclone. By the time this little Topaz was sold new Mercury was relegated to only producing cars identical to Ford but with slightly better trim. Their last big hit was the Grand Marquis but the demographic buying them grew older and died off (if that sounds harsh I assure you that their own internal research found that this is how it went down!). In the very end a gussied-up Ford Explorer called the Mountaineer was the first called to the chopping block. Within a year all other Mercury products followed suit, bringing the 72 year old nameplate to a finish in 2011.

What do Andrew Dice Clay, Wayne Newton, Priscilla Presley, Morris Day, and Gilbert Gottfried* have in common?**

*Also Robert Englund (Freddy Krueger), Ed O'Neill (Al Bundy), Ton Loc (Ton Loc), and Sheila E
PLAIN SEDAN IN A VANILLA WRAPPER

I was walking through the East Village a while back when I found myself standing in front of this square brick of cream cheese:

This is a 1965 Ford Fairlane 500 in Wimbledon White. One of the nifty details of this year is the body color in the headlight surrounds. Another is the stand up hood ornament which was only in '65.

Originally released as a full size car in 1955, the Fairlane was reduced to mid size after 1962. This year was particularly boxy and has a look unlike any of the other vintages. The years before this had quad round headlights but they were in the grill itself as opposed to being in these housings. In 1966 the headlights were stacked.

This is a beautifully proportioned sedan with the hood and trunk being close in size and the roofline somewhat tall. Clean and crisp was the order of the day for sedans.

This car was built to be overshadowed in 1965. The Mustang was only enjoying its first full year of production and other pony cars were in the works. Muscle cars were also capturing the attention of the buying public and the dealers who were selling them. In the midst of all this excitement comes another 4 door white mid size car. As good as the result is it doesn't trigger the same emotional response as the flashier offerings of the same era.

This is the squared-off evolution of the target sight Jet Engine taillights that started showing up on Fords in the '50s. To me the high point was the '61-'63 Thunderbird taillight that looks like a straight-up fighter jet afterburner. This is a few down the list from tadpole to frog but you get the gist.
The gas cap is behind that pull down door in the dead center of the rear valance. Ford kept this arrangement with the Maverick.

From this angle you can see the folded paper look making the side attractive. If this were the base Fairlane as opposed to the 500 there would be no chrome trim along the side or around the windows.

Ford has long made the best out of what they have and as a result the drivetrain choices for this ride are the same as the Mustang for '65. It also means that aftermarket parts availability is second to none.

These cool looking hubcaps mounted on steelies are original. I won't say they are poverty caps because there is a bit of black trim and the car is a 500, but they're pretty basic.

Mercury had a sibling to this ride for a couple years named the Meteor. Meteors are super rare these days and were only produced in this iteration from 1962-'63. Given the chance I would take the Merc because they are so scarce but keeping one running would be as easy as owning this car.

The larger Galaxie for 1965 had some continuity with the Fairlane. Both had wide grills that angled forward from the sides, though the Galaxie had stacked quad headlights.
This car is a treat in this condition and probably languished in a garage somewhere until it was bought by whoever parks it in the city. Just about every inch was just shy enough away from perfect to confirm originality. I would happily roll in this daily.
**By the way the answer to the opener as you probably know already is Ford Fairlane the movie. This is not an endorsement.