Burnt Umber Slab

LIMITED; NOW WITH EVEN MORE!

I was ambling along the central PA countryside when I noticed this massive slab and its 4-eyed grin looking back at me. Somehow parked in the lot of the newest looking building in the area this thing begged to be featured.

This is a 1978 Ford LTD II Brougham in Bright Red with a Light Camel landau roof. This thing effortlessly runs the Malaise ticket checking off every late '70s cliche box off the list. Massive yet underpowered 2 door car? Check. Landau roof with opera windows? Check. Brougham? CHECK.

This is the era of "to hell with your aerodynamics" slab design. Look out over that hood to the windshield so far away.

The LTD II was a 3 year only offering from Ford that was somewhat overshadowed by the Thunderbird which was similar in scale but with a storied nameplate. The name is a bit goofy when broken down because it basically means "limited, the sequel" which isn't very limited at all!

This angle gives a better idea of what it took to get a 5mph crash test bumper on a 4,000lb+ car. You could easily rest a 6 pack in front of each set of headlights while tuning the strangled and neutered V8 under the hood. If you had the base 302 engine you could eventually coax this thing up to 103mph the day it left the factory. If you ponied up for the 351 the top speed went up to a frightening 108mph! Fear not speed demons; there was the mighty 400 V8 available too with a top speed of 113mph.

Performance wasn't the point with these rigs though. If you loved your living room couch or Lay-Z Boy this could float you in comfort to the bowling alley. Hard cornering would send this listing like the Costa Concordia, and emergency breaking meant a loud and screaming nose dive with skid marks hundreds of feet long. Buy it for the optional CB radio folks, lean back and relax!

The absurdity of these proportions does intrigue me though, as it does for all its siblings. The Mercury Cougar and Ford Ranchero were identical (though of course the Ranchero had the El Camino style pickup bed). The LTD II was a direct replacement for the Ford Elite which was really this same car with a single round headlight on each side and a bit of a raised rear hip a-la Coke Bottle styling.

Who am I fooling? I'd love to drive around in this yacht. The window shapes alone are worth a few grand and the landau roof looks right at home. The wheel covers are a horrific abomination that need to go asap. Even the plain black steelies under that faux-chrome plastic would be better.

This window treatment stopped me in my tracks. Brougham in script is factory correct, but that rose? Is that an aftermarket add-on or is this some special rose edition Brougham?

I love how this car makes a mockery of the recent parking space dimensions! There is a 2 foot section in the rear where nothing will grow due to the shadow permanently cast by the rear hanging out, and the car just continues onward from the front of the painted stripe so far that it looks cartoonish. Still, if this is your thing these cars remain plentiful and cheap. The very last thing this car can be called is innovative so almost all parts are usable from at least a decade of Ford.If you're not in a hurry to get anywhere, like overly plush luxury, and live somewhere where parking is available I encourage you to grab the nearest $2,000 and take your pick!

So Kreamy

Special K

First of all I'd like to tip my cap to the owner of this margarine-colored carlet for doing away with all airs by getting the truthiest of license plates. Second of all I would like to thank Big Peet Tamburino of Providence for this mighty submission. Gadzooks!

What we have here is a 1985 Chrysler LeBaron convertible in the nauseatingly rich color Cream. To up the ante the interior color is Palomino Tan and I'm pretty sure that's a Cream Tan colored top as well. I just want to spread this car on toast.

We know it is an '85 because the bars of the grill are broken up into those vertical rectangular shapes while the front of the car is still totally boxy (all Chryslers got a more rounded, aerodynamic facade in '86). Let's take a moment to admire the crystal Pentastar hood ornament. So fancy!

This little droptop is one of the myriad forms that the K-Car took. Chrysler reintroduced this as the first domestically produced convertible in years in 1982; the last American made production convertible previous to this was the '76 Cadillac (yes car fanatics I know that there were Buick and Caddy convertibles before '82 but they were ASC conversions). I briefly had a twin to this car inherited from my father; a BROWN 1986 Dodge 600 convertible. These things drive pretty well actually, powered adequately by a 2.2 Liter 4 cylinder and console mounted 3 speed automatic.

This example is bone stock and totally immaculate! For a 31 year old car this has an excellent chance of winning a trophy at a car show to the chagrin of all the Mustang and Chevelle owners.

Dig that '80s dash; square gauges and a faux brushed-stainless steel square radio. One armrest in the middle is all there is room for. I remember from experience that the power top switch is located down on the console.

*Can I get a shout-out for the fact that the photographers plaid shirt is neatly framed in the drivers side mirror? Amazing!

We we'll just leave this nougat-filled buttercream right here on the streets of Providence. To me these things are looking better every year. Parts are widely available and there were millions of K-Cars built so acquiring and maintaining one ought to be easy. What you would have for your troubles is an efficient, easy to park, reliable convertible. I just about talked myself into looking for one.

One last thing: Bobcat Goldthwait's character Zed drove one in Police Academy 2 Their First Assignment!

Cool car the color of Grape flavored Big League Chew

NURPLE

I was riding my bike out to a friends house in Bed Stuy when I encountered this little crumpet:

This is a 1965 Dodge Dart GT in a terrible aftermarket purple. While Mopar became famous shortly after this was built for its outrageous colors (including the very purple Plum Crazy) there was nothing even close to this in '65. If you're going for Plum Crazy this is simply too warm and saturated; a little less red and a cooler blue next time when mixing please.

Pinpointing the year on these cars is really simple as the front changed every year. In '64 the grill was even shorter than the headlights when compared to this ride while in '66 the headlights fit right inside the grill.

I love Darts of really any vintage but this era is particularly cool. The styling is somewhat bonkers with that rear quarter window shape, three portholes behind the front wheel, and overall tub shape to the body. 

Incidentally if this car was ordered with a vinyl roof it would be on the front 3/4 of the top only; that sail panel retained the body color wrapping over the rear. My '72 Duster and '74 Dart Sport both had the same treatment but it started here.

To give some perspective I'd like to point out that this was a compact car in '65. The brochure points out that "Ladies love 'em. Easy to drive and park. Inside? Almost kiddie proof." Take that, gender equality! 

Whoever parked this thing probably decided on the color. I want to call automotive protective services and try to adopt it.

These lozenge shaped taillights are new for '65. They would remain for 1 more year before a major restyling in '67.

You've gotta love this hyper-stylized GT emblem! Not only that but the T is red, white, and blue! Go Team America!

Inside is totally awesome in my opinion. The GT comes with a full compliment of gauges all concave and square. The speedometer is offset because Mopar designers are free thinkers. It sports the optional radio and floor-mounted shifter with console. In the years leading up to this one the automatic transmission was operated by pushbutton! As odd as it sounds they proved totally reliable. The only other car company I can think of offhand that had a pushbutton trans was the Edsel of 1958. Unbelievably the Edsel buttons were located in the center of the steering wheel! Imagine hitting the horn on your new Edsel because somebody cut you off and unwittingly throwing your car into reverse in the process! That only lasted 1 year of course.

The front fender was replaced with a non-GT unit because it's missing its rectangular porthole on this side. That little Mopar Pentastar emblem was only on the passenger side fender so that people walking by it on the sidewalk would notice it! Strange but true.

Whoever replaced the fender had the good sense to keep the GT-specific trim from the top. These pieces are about as impossible to find as any car part so if you're looking to restore one make sure it has all the little GT minutiae.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is the Fratzog! Yes that triangular shaped logo was what the Dodge division used from 1962-1981 (the Pentastar was for any of the Mopar division; Chrysler, Dodge, Plymouth, etc). The name is nonsensical but was coined by the folks at Dodge so it stuck. 

Well we'll just leave this little cruiser where I found it; 5 solid feet from the curb. Darts are really fun cars and totally capable for daily use in modern traffic. At worst it has one of the most legendary motors of all time; the Slant 6. At best it has a very peppy 273 V8 that has plenty of get up and go for such a light car. Regardless the handling and fuel economy are both surprisingly good and I would recommend them to anyone looking for a usable classic.

From the 1978 brochure: "Very personal, very formal, the very picture of style"

"VERY PERSONAL, VERY FORMAL, THE VERY PICTURE OF STYLE"

Ah yes, the wonderful state of Oregon shares the automotive fountain of youth that California is so famous for. For the most part weather goes from sunny to drizzling to rain and back to sun. For this reason it's not uncommon to find museum perfect cars that aren't really collectible or desirable but just happen to remain in great condition by default. Here is one of those finds:

This is a 1978 Chrysler Cordoba in Spinnaker White. This is the next-to-last gasp for bloated, bejeweled personal luxury. Even though this is a Mopar product is shares several of the malaise-era styling cues with its competitors. We see the stacked square headlights for the first time on the '78 Cordoba but they'd already been on the Monte Carlo since '76. The vinyl landau half-roof with small fixed opera windows had been bandied about from the end of the previous decade. The formal grill with its stand up hood ornament is missing from this ride, but it had one at birth.

Adding the stacked square headlights (which from here on will be referred to as SSH) was a controversial move within Chrysler. Sure it was a popular styling cue but some of the design team pointed out that it made the car look heavier than previous years even though the bodies were identical. Really anything Chrysler did at this point was a hale Mary as the company was circling the drain financially. Lee Iaccoca was hired by Chrysler while today's feature car was still sitting in a dealership to save the company from ruin. Indeed Chrysler filed for bankruptcy protection in December of 1979 and would've faded away had it not been for a government bailout in tandem with the introduction of the K-Car.

Here we see the silhouette of many rides from the era. The Dodge Magnum, Charger, and Plymouth Fury of this year all essentially used the same body as the Cordoba in '78. In addition completely unrelated rides such as the Monte Carlo, Grand Prix, and Cutlass looked so close that you would be forgiven for mixing them up.
That long hood contains a somewhat neutered 400 "Lean Burn" V8 good for 190 horsepower and a top speed of 119mph. On the highway you could coax 20 mpg but in the city it rated a dismal 13.

Those massive rectangular taillights are so close to the ones on the Pontiac Grand Prix that I'm surprised they weren't called out on it. That rear quarter panel is sporting a classic whiskey dent where you almost made it around that post but followed through even after you heard some crumpling.

The safety compliant bumpers hang off this beast like chromed park benches but at least they give the illusion of integration due to the overall bloat.

In '79 they had an option package for the Cordoba that renamed it the 300. Much remained the same but the grill was replaced with one that sported a huge crosshairs target as opposed to the standard mesh. Given the history of Chrysler at that moment it now seems that the car was sitting in the crosshairs itself, ready to be executed by Iaccoca and so many K-Cars.

Sweet sweet luxury! Tiny opera windows, vinyl landau roof, gently illuminated opera lights on that fat padded band that's obviously there to hold all that luxury together. I would like to take a moment to give a shout-out to that smart pinstripe in its travels around the window opening. Also, look how trashy that plushness is peeking out through the opera window. SO PLUSH.

Cordoba broke out every personal luxury cliche in the book, right down to nonsensical gold medallions on the flank. Everything about this car says Too Much Chest Hair on Display.

The long hood short deck trend was in its most extreme throughout the 1970s. The Cordoba has a few things going for it despite its scale; those large wheel openings, especially in the rear help keep it from seeming too overweight. Also, the slight curve on the main windows as well as the rounded body line that wraps around from the bottom of the side windows under the windshield save it from the total angular severity that the '80s would bring.

The little item above each headlight pod is a fiber optic lens connected to the turn signals so you can see when a bulb needs to be replaced.

This is the look of something resigned to its fate. By the time the '79 models hit the showrooms the era of the large personal luxury car was over. The entire industry was in agreement. The last huge Cadillac Eldorado rolled out of Detroit in '78. The mighty Lincoln Continental Mark IV would also be reduced drastically after the 1979 model year. This creamy white slab may have been among the hundreds that languished on dealership lots long after the next year had arrived just begging for an owner. These days if you're into period piece excess you can pick one up pretty cheap. The mechanicals are pretty basic and parts are widely available, so you could do worse for a weekend cruiser.

Wildcat!

WILDCAT!

On a late winter day I saw this sweet cruiser poised and ready to pounce out between Sheepshead Bay and Gerritsen Beach. The lighting and lack of leaves really make this seem like a still shot from the French Connection. This is the sort of car that looks like it belongs on a stakeout!

This is a 4 door 1969 Buick Wildcat in Verde Green Poly. It is a full-size, very powerful sedan with almost no flash whatsoever.

Dating a Buick in this era is easy as the grill and taillights change at least subtley every year. This was the only year for the headlights to be tucked so far in from the outer edges of the car. Its sibling the Riviera had headlights even closer together to the point where it looked a bit ridiculous. 

I totally dig the tops of the fenders becoming the leading edges of the front. The grill is nestled into a massive loop bumper.

Under the hood lies a 430 V8 good for 360 horsepower and a whopping 475 lbs of torque. This was exactly the sort of engine that could make a huge car like this scream off the line. The 430 was a blip in Buick history as it was introduced in '67 and was replaced in '70 by the 455.

Here we see the full scope of this monster. Can you imagine parallel parking this ride?

I think Buick had some of the most balanced designs for their full size cars. No doubt about it this beast is enormous but it manages to retain a bit of athleticism with its open rear wheel wells.

Buick had been known for its portholes for decades but the Wildcat got these faux gills. The writing on the emblem could not look cooler! It has its original set of hubcaps complete with a screaming wildcat head in the center.

Those swooping flares starting at the front of the wheel wells and continuing towards the rear help keep this design from seeming bloated. If this came with fender skirts and had flat sides it would seem like the laziest slab barely able to get up from its La-Z-Boy.

Buick was just beneath Cadillac in the General Motors hierarchy so quality details abound. The delicate chrome trim outlining the trunk lid and quarter panels all contribute to the sense of class.

Looks like this car was sold new in upstate Liberty, New York which makes its overall condition all the more remarkable. This also tells us that this Wildcat retains its original paint!

This thing looks ready to give the cops a run for their money. 6 adults would have no problem being comfortable in this beast.

The horn pad is kind of a strange shape on this ride, but then again so is the placement of the headlight switch up there with the gauges. That 120 mph speedometer is no joke; this 4,332lb car could get up to at least 125mph from the factory! There is something unique to being in an enormous car above 100mph. The sensation is one of floating, almost like riding low swells in a boat. The fact that you could hit triple digits in this thing with some passengers while listening to the radio in somewhat quiet luxury is even more impressive.

Well we'll leave this musclebound yacht to enjoy its golden years by the beach. One unfortunate yet small detail is the dent above the drivers window, almost like someone got one swing of the bat in before they made their escape!

The Wildcat came in 2 and 4 door hardtop as well as convertible so this is the least desirable body style. For this to survive it must've been a family car tucked away in a garage living a simple life. I'm happy it's still rolling the streets almost 50 years after it left the factory. Roll on Wildcat!

London Tony offers up a beat-down merde gris croûté from across the pond!

SHITROËN PART DEUX

My own brother lives in a lovely little storybook village in London. It's the sort of place where A-list celebrities can stroll to a cafe without being bothered, where rose gardens abound in the front yards of bucolic little homes, and where gas-lit streets can suddenly turn into brick paths with views of the city below. However London is huge, and somewhere along the way he stumbled upon this fallen child star: 

 

Oof. My best guess is that this is a 1988-ish Citroën CX in Gris. Actually we know this is a CX 25 DTR Turbo 2 from the cartoonishly long nameplate on the back. The brochure for this ride back in 1988 stated THE CITROËN CX. ONE OF THE WORLD'S GREAT CARS. Lofty salesmanship to be sure but it was indeed something else when new. For now just dig how long this thing is!

 

The first thing I said when this brick weighed down my inbox was "how did this thing get an MOT?" The MOT stands for Ministry of Transport and it is the equivalent of an automobile safety and emissions inspection in the States. The test is pretty difficult when compared to most countries in that the condition of the body, including spoilers, wings, and any additional doo-dads all needs to be in good shape. The final pass or fail grade is up to the tester and the test is not cheap.
Look at this funky facade; the grill is creased in a way to have a trapezoidal front. The headlight on the right is nicotine stained and generally unhealthy looking. the last time this crumpled body was washed by anything but rainfall was probably the day before it was bought new. 

 

This rather frumpy shooting break (the British term for a station wagon though in its French homeland this would be known as a break-de-chasse, or hunting-break) was the height of technology when it was first introduced in 1974. It was the modern replacement for the iconic DS from the '50s. The most incredible aspect of this design is the Hydro-Pneumatic suspension that was self-leveling. Supposedly the suspension was so effective that bumps and potholes could be seen but not really felt. Rolls-Royce even licensed the suspension design for their Silver Shadow!

The letters CX refer to aerodynamic design (CX is the French equivalent of Cd for drag coefficient according to my friend Wikipedia). One misconception is that the name CX was chosen because it was originally designed to be powered by a rotary engine. However like almost every company that isn't Mazda they couldn't get it right in time and on budget so a traditional inline 4 cylinder was installed under the hood.

I love how they manage to add cool style cues in the era of sharp angles. That crease below the side view mirror fades towards the rear while another emerges above it for a little origami.

 

A hooptie is a hooptie the world over so here's some tape used as a repair. This is particularly troubling because it looks like it was holding the skirt onto the vehicle but the tape is now mostly missing.

One wiper in the front and one in the back. That 4 slot vent on the rear pillar is probably functional as a part of the ventilation system for the passenger compartment. The turbocharger breathes through some small openings on a slight bulge on the hood.

 

The interior is gnarly! We've got paper jammed everywhere, a spoon at the ready, rags tossed about, and a grody blue pillow for the drivers bum. It is a stick shift which means this would've been fun to cruise in when new. These days who knows how much action you'll find if you mash the pedal to the floor.
This is the sort of car you almost never see in the States. Citroëns are always rare on this side of the pond but when you do encounter one is tends to be a tiny 2CV or the classic DS. There was even a Citroën SM from the early '70s powered by a Maserati engine that seems more common than the CX. Regardless the MOT gave this one a stay of execution so if you happen to be walking around London keep your eyes peeled!