Mustang up on the autopsy table

MUSTANG UP ON THE AUTOPSY TABLE

I was walking near the headwaters of the mighty Gowanus Canal when this horrific vision presented itself:

This is what's left of a 1967 Ford Mustang convertible in Wimbledon White. There are only 2 ways I know of to visually discern a '67 from a '68. The first is moot because it involves the letters F O R D being on the hood in '67, but there's no hood here at all! The second is that in 1968 they introduced front and read side marker lights of which this has none. 1967 it is!

This was the first redesign of the original Mustang. This is still considered the first generation Mustang but I can't figure why as the overall dimensions increased. For the first time you could fit a massive 390 or 428 big block V8 engine under the hood.

1967 is my favorite year overall for American cars and this is no exception. Of all the Mustangs I find this to be the most well proportioned. The rear bumpers are nicely integrated into the overall look. The concave real panel and taillights are more dynamic to me than the earlier ones that looked glued on.

If this wreck wasn't a convertible there would be zero chance of anyone bothering with it. However it will be worth somebody's while to restore a drop top every time. Since Mustangs were built on a massive scale you could get a disaster like this and a running parts car hardtop without breaking the bank too severely.

For as brutally ravaged as this ride is it looks like the rust happened while it was sitting somewhere as opposed to driving. The quarter panels are some of the nicest parts of the car which almost never happens. Being a convertible (especially once with the top & windows open) water easily gets in and works it's dark magic. The bottoms of the doors are rotted out which means they filled with water. I'm sure the floors are gone too. Everything is available from catalogs for this ride though.

Well that's where I'll leave this for some brave soul to conquer. Given the chance I would love to roll around town in a '67 convertible Mustang. While they're valuable the high performance Shelby versions are priced in the stratosphere with nice examples selling in the hundreds of thousands of dollars! There are currently a couple of nice '67 convertibles on ebay under 20 grand and one "easy restoration" candidate for under $5,000. If you saw one for a reasonable price snatch it up!

There goes the neighborhood

POSSIBLY THE GRUBBIEST CAR I'VE EVER SEEN

I was strolling along next to Prospect Park a few weeks ago when a great dark cloud sucked the sun out of the sky. What wrath was about to befall our great city? Behold the horror of Windsor Terrace!

This is a 1970 Cadillac Sedan DeVille in Bayberry Green. It is in truly horrific condition throughout. Astonishingly it has a matching set of plates and current registration & inspection stickers in the windshield. Who is the mechanic who put their certification on the line in approving this heap?

I can't blame the public for shoving garbage in the mouth of this behemoth.

This is as close as you can get and still imagine this as a usable car.

I started this blog way back when with a 4 door green Cadillac that was beaten almost to death in the East Village, yet somebody kept driving it. I'm going back to my roots with this thing.

AAAAAGGHHH!!!!!

What is this nightmare?! Some lady asked me "Is this your car?" while I was snapping these pics. A small laugh escaped my lips in the "you must be joking" ilk before I managed: "No. NO! My god does anybody actually own this?"

She said yes indeed and it makes it across the street for alternate side parking regulations every week!

I love big old Cadillacs. My grandparents kept a steady supply of these enormous brutes going from their hands down through the family tree when I was young. My father had a '74 Eldorado. I had a '74 Coupe DeVille in high school. Even I can't find a single redeeming quality about this ride.

When you get closer it just gets worse. I think you could actually kick this car to pieces in 10 minutes or so if you didn't mind getting it all over your shoes.
I've been on the receiving end of some highly questionable inspection stickers in the past but this car really takes the cake. If your horn or reverse lights don't work you can always claim they went out that very morning if you get pulled over, especially with an old car. Maybe this would pass in the lights and brakes department but the suspension looks seriously saggy. Mostly though this is a rolling red flag if I ever saw one. If this were a building it would be condemned. 

Let's squint hard for a second and try to look at the original design. These pointed taillights are some of my favorite from Caddy history, second only to the '59 fins a la Ecto-1.

This thing needs a toupee stat. When vinyl roofing has an opening moisture can get underneath and wreak havoc on the metal. There are at least two holes in the roof itself above the passenger side front.

This has the GM Halo version of the vinyl roof where a strip of body colored metal surrounds the edge above the windshield and side windows. Dig the sheer scale of the trunk in this pic!

Looks like she's sporting 3 out of 4 Buick hubcaps from around the same era. I'm a fan of how massive these front bumpers are where they go back far enough to outline the wheel well.

Somewhere behind all that mouth trash lies a 472 V8 good for 375 horsepower from the factory. A showroom stock Coupe de Ville placed 3rd in the real life Cannonball Run with this same engine. It managed the highest overall average speed of 85mph too. These cars can really move despite their size.

Well that's where we'll back away from this frightening vision. People love to bemoan the loss of "old New York" and claim that the more run down version was their favorite. To those folks I suggest they go down to Prospect Park Southwest around 11th Avenue in Windsor Terrace. Cars like this used to be burned out and abandoned all over the city. Enjoy your lunch leaning against a big fender before depositing your litter in the grill for a trip down memory lane.

Crazed Robot Falcon from outer space!

SAM THE EAGLE AS A CAR

My last post was a Grand Prix so I figured I'd feature 2 more GPs as a follow-up. Here's the first; cover your eyes!

What we have here is a 1967 Pontiac Grand Prix that at one point in its life was the color Champagne Poly. Those days are long gone! Rust and filth have ravaged this wreck. However I love the design this year so dearly that I want to feature it regardless.

First of all dig these covered headlights! Every other Pontiac had exposed stacked headlights in '67 except for the GP. The turn signals are awesomely subtle behind those three horizontal slits above the headlight door.

That Pontiac beak had never been so prominent! I always think of these pointy-nosed cars as birds. Check out the resemblance:

Sam the Eagle has never been more needed than today!

This ride is so thoroughly rusted that it seems to be made out of powdered cocoa. Somehow the chrome remains proud and lovely.
The engine choices for this car when new were few and mighty. The standard was a 400 V8 good for 350 horsepower. Optional was a crushingly powerful 428 V8 good for either 360 or 376 hp for the high output version. All GPs had a 4 barrel carb and dual exhaust. With no emissions regulations and the muscle car craze still ramping up these are free breathing healthy engines.

This is the ultimate F.U. of towing; just drag the dead car up onto the flatbed with a winch regardless of if the wheel is jammed up. For whatever reason they dragged this beast up on the truck and parked both where I found them.
You can see the more pronounced for 1967 Coke Bottle styling in this pic.

Zero chrome on the sides and just this one raised style line running the length of the car made for a very clean look. This is a huge car and they weren't trying to hide that fact back then.

These wide horizontal taillights were 1967 only and mimic those on the Firebird. On the lower right corner you can see the now-standard reverse light.

Why is the back panel black? Who knows? What I can tell you is that the *"You've got a friend in Pennsylvania" license plate was issued between 1983-1985. However it was legal to keep this plate on your car while updating your little registration sticker through 2001. Regardless this thing hasn't moved under it's own power in 16 years at the bare minimum and most likely more than that.
*Wikipedia calls this slogan out for being grammatically incorrect.

All these little holes perplexed me when I snapped this pic. At first I thought it was the result of some quick and dirty bodywork where you drill small holes to pull out a dent. Recently I saw detailed photos of a '67 GP restoration and the freshly painted car had the exact same pattern. It turns out that this is where the two emblems spelling GRAND PRIX were mounted.

As with the earlier '60s GPs the rear window was concave while the rest of the Pontiac lineup wasn't.

Anyone attempting to restore this is a maniac.
It was a beautiful Pennsylvania Summer day when I pulled over to ask some gruff mechanics if they minded if I snapped a couple pics. After too long a silence one of them uttered "go ahead" and they turned their backs on me. Thanks bros.
I've always love this year GP and as I detailed in my last post the one-yer-only '67 convertible was my One That Got Away. Some day I'll have one hopefully.

What's the opposite of a Christmas miracle?

R BODY BURGUNDY BRICK

Take a good look at this slab of iron weighing down all of America. This is the purple torpedo that sank the Chrysler ship. The fact that they built what is basically a car from the 1950s for the cusp of the '70s and '80s decades makes it fitting that this car has its eyes closed. This is 3,800 lbs of sadness.

This is a 1981 Chrysler New Yorker in what might be Ginger red. This was the wrong car at the wrong time and despite all my seemingly over the top superlatives it really did bring mighty Chrysler to its knees. The custom plate is awesome though!

It was the 1970s and the gas crisis was still fresh in everyones mind. Quirky little Japanese cars were selling better than ever with their owners boasting of 35 miles per gallon from engines that ran so clean they didn't need catalytic converters. Ford downsized across the board, and so did GM. Chrysler did a little bit but still trotted out an old-school huge American dinosaur that they bragged was "traditional sized". The public shrugged and looked the other way.

Under that long hood resides a 318 V8 good for 130 horsepower. If you had the time you could supposedly coax this barge up to 100mph. Driving like that would probably hurt your 17mpg factory rating however. A review from the era found that with the air conditioning on they only got 12.8mpg. It went on to say that the air conditioning of their new test car stopped working during the review, as did the brake lights. In addition the digital clock went out and a map light turned on every time the brake pedal was pressed! Build quality was horrific with Chrysler actually planning on something like 1,700 defects per 100 cars sold. Chrysler, what!?

The tact here was lazy luxury steeped in patriotism. The 1981 was the third and final year of this generation New Yorker and only 6,548 were built. The following year there was a redesign which sold over 50,000 units. 

To see this utterly forgotten automotive footnote is mint condition 2 days before Christmas in Brooklyn is amazing. There can't be many left as there were few to begin with. The New Yorker had 2 siblings this year; the Newport and St. Regis. The lowest end of the spectrum was the Newport with its exposed headlights. The St. Regis had one of the weirdest details ever put on a car: translucent headlight covers that opened when you turned them on. This meant that when the lights were off they were behind milky glass but still visible. Why, Chrysler? What were you maniacs thinking?

Alright here is the next evolution of the malaise-era opera window: a vinyl roof so powerful that it ignores the fact that the door is there and creeps over it like moss. Chrysler claimed that these cars were "pillared hardtops" which makes as much sense as dry water. This car has extra pillars as opposed to none so how is this a hardtop? Obviously there were no adults at Chrysler in the late '70s or some of these basic questions might've been asked. Then again we've all known someone who keeps on a deliberate path of doom somehow unable to see it. From now on we'll call those people the R Bodies.

From this angle it looks like any old car on the city streets. With its '70s dimensions it's almost stately.

Get a little closer and the strangeness continues. I love full width taillights. Some Mopars of the early '70s had them, as well as Buicks from the '60s. This is more of a collection of red rectangles kind of stacked on each other. I guess the center portion comes out to accommodate the square trunk bulge that's not quite a Continental kit. Why, Chrysler? 

Some huge cars pull it off. I LOVE the enormous cars of the '60s and '70s but somehow this looks like the trunk will break off under its own largess. Remember that this is a downsized version of the pre-'79 New Yorkers.

That baleen grill makes this thing look like a blind whale looking to feed. The fancy stand-up hood ornament once had a crystal insert but this one seems to be missing.

Look I know I bagged on this car relentlessly but I was legit astonished to see one in the wild. Chrysler took on so much water from these R Body rides the Lee Iacocca was brought in after being fired by Ford to save the company. He immediately brokered a guaranteed loan deal with Congress and green lighted both the K-car and minivan. His plan was an unparalleled success, righting the Chrysler ship and creating an entire automotive category in the process. Amidst all this heroism these forlorn beasts marched off the line to uncertain futures. Good luck enforcing from the velour throne of your R-Body ride, Sir!

Show Car Sunday denied! Ugliest vehicle of 2016 awaits

BACK TO THE TERRIBLE BASICS

I originally started this blog because I couldn't believe how far people would let their cars go while still driving them. The city is a bubble where you can limp these things around in horrific condition without challenge by the police. Try to drive the following truck through Scarsdale and see how long before you're providing license & registration even if your inspection sticker's valid!

Ugh. This was once a Toyota Hilux pickup truck from around 1990 in one of the 4 shades of Black they offered that year. Years in the city at the hands of a cruel owner have allowed it to devolve into something else. There are garbage trucks like the kind that pick up your garbage and then there are garbage trucks. This truck is garbage.

Somehow the chrome on the grill retains some dignity amidst the horror. The bumper and hood are dusted with cocoa powder and one eye is ridden with cataracts, but the cracked grill still offers a bit of glint. But wait a minute; did you notice that nameplate?!

Ladies and gentleman this is something I have never seen! The original Toyota name has been replaced with a cut-out section of a Toyota hubcap! I was standing in front of this thing laughing out loud for reals!

At highway speeds I don't know if I'd trust this bit of stretched out bubble gum to hold, but then again the next time this reaches highway speeds will be on the back of a truck carrying crushed vehicles to the afterlife.

Every bit of this little punk is dented, scraped, or both. It looks like this truck is constantly trying to wiggle through spaces not quite big enough for it. I can only imagine the trail of mysteriously scuffed vehicles this thing has left in its wake. Nice chrome mirror though! Wicked sporty bra.

I suppose it's earning its keep as the back had some contructionish trash in it. Gas door is long gone but would you want to siphon from a vehicle this beat?
The Toyota small truck is officially known as the Hilux. Production has never ceased since its introduction in 1968. Now in its eighth generation it continues its worldwide dominance by being offered and celebrated in most countries on Earth (noticeable exceptions being Japan and North America where it was replaced by the Tacoma in 1995).

Mysterious dadaist messages were crafted out of bags and placed in the back window.

We know this is a 2 wheel drive version as the 4wd trucks got rear fender flares to accommodate larger wheels and tires. I'd like to give a big shout-out to the rear bumper for still looking so damn good!

The drivers door is kinds open, turn signal smashed, and Bondo cracking off the body in sheets. I nominate this as the ugliest ride of 2016.

The bottom of the door is really rusted out. I have a feeling this truck is gutted with rot but probably had some quick fix Bondo/spray paint moments in its history.

Well there we have it; a terrible example of the most rugged vehicle ever built. As much as I've been bagging on this heap it really is a testament to the extreme reliability and durability of the Toyota truck. These things can go hundreds of thousands of miles without needing much in the way of repairs. The fact that so many have been built means parts are as available as can be. A 2wd version with a manual transmission should easily give you 30-35mpg too.
I drove the doppelganger to this truck when it was brand new for 2 days while attempting to sell fish door-to-door (that's right I did!). The job went predictably horribly the first day and I tried to quit. When my boss said "just give it one more day" I picked up my buddy Pete and we drove all over Connecticut with a freezer box full of fish on the back without knocking on a single door.
Hats off I guess to the sadistic owner of this poor little gimp for making it continue to serve its master years after it earned a white flag.