Puerto Rican pony con Señor Frijole!

PUERTO RICAN PONY CON SEÑOR FRIJOLE!

I was walking into Red Hook from the area around the Hugh Carey Tunnel (that's the Brooklyn Battery to you ol' timers) when I saw the most Puerto Ricanist car ever!

¡Mano! This is a 1971 Ford Mustang Mach-1 in flat black with the Puerto Rican flag straight-up painted onto the hood.

The Mach-1 gave you a spoiler, this double scoop hood, a wing, and some graphics. Who's that behind the wheel?

BWAHH HA HA HA yes! Mr. Bean's face was hanging down from the visor in a supreme move of goofy humor.

I've featured all kinds of Mustangs lately because it seems that they're head to head with old Cadillacs in sheer numbers on the Brooklyn streets. I won't bother with too much in the way of actual information on this ride.

Around the time of the annual Puerto Rican Day Parade in NYC you see cars draped with flags. There are always a few folks who take an entire flag and wrap their hood but I've never seen it painted on until now.

Back in 2014 I featured a '71 Mach-1 in the factory color Anti Establish Mint (a type of mint green). *This year/make/model was also the star of 2 very different car chases. The first was piloted by James Bond in Diamonds are Forever. Bumbling yokel cops frantically try to catch up on the old Las Vegas strip circa 1971.
The other is one of the longest (if not the longest) car chase ever! The LOW budget original Gone in 60 Seconds finishes up with a 45 minute extravaganza through the whole of Southern California. Over 200 cars are wrecked in the process. When I was 12 years old I bowed down before 2 gods: this terrible movie and the Road Warrior.

HA HA HA HA HAHAHAHA!!! YES!

THE COOLEST VEHICLE IN THE WORLD?

I was walking along ha ha hahaha never mind LOOK AT THIS VAN!

This is a 1988 Ford Econoline conversion van in what is probably Twilight Blue. It is sprinkled throughout with aftermarket doo dads like this air horns above the drivers seat.

A "HONK IF YOU'RE HORNY!" sticker is sitting on the dash because why not? You see these red windshield wiper arms and you know they mean business.

Look I know the deal; you grow up but still in the back of your mind you want a full size Hot Wheels car to drive around. No shame in that!

As this was parked facing down a hill it was hard to show just how jacked up this thing is in the rear. The front wheel is close to stock but this rear tire is absurd. Besides Big Daddy Roth style cool points  you get absolutely nothing from raising up the rear of your ride. If you had a high horsepower drag racer it might help keep the front wheels on the ground but this slab isn't pulling wheelies anytime soon. Shout-out to the mud splatters behind the wheels though!

There are so many different companies and sub contractors that carry out these conversions that I wasn't able to find out which one this is. Usually they have some goofy graphic wording on them but this one has had all identifiers removed during its enhancement. 

Aww yeah baby! Iridescent trim fills out this once boring cove along the sides.

The interior is appropriately obscured through a combination of tint and curtains.

It wasn't until I took this shot that I noticed the front and rear rims are actually the same. It looks to me like they bought those massive rear tires and had them installed, with the wheels getting a polish in the process.

That single step under the door is another example of the owner sitting around with a catalogue just looking for trinkets to spend on.

I love Ford Econoline vans from the '80s and have owned 2 myself. Here they are in order:

This is a 1989 E-150 that had been a Southern New England Telephone van before I bought it. It had the ultimate combination as far as I was concerned; a straight-6 cylinder mated to a 5 speed manual transmission. The stick shift was like 3 feet tall coming up from the floor to armrest height. I painted the stripes and the grill before moving with it to California with it. Even filled to the brim it got over 20mpg on average. I wish I had it now! Sold it to some brat for Burning Man.

 This is a 1988 Club Wagon XLT that I bought to move back from Cali with 10 years ago. This ride had a V8 and automatic with overdrive. The bigger engine drank a lot of gas and the overdrive blew before I left the state causing me to drive cross country at about 55mph max. It did have a full compliment of swivel chairs and a bench that folded into a bed in the back, as well as power windows. I liked it fine but preferred that white 6 cylinder.

On display here is a genius aftermarket addition that I wish I had on my vans; a sun, wind, and rain shield that allows for the windows to be open during all weather. The door glass goes so high up that it's impossible to crack the windows in the rain without getting soaked.

I like the top on this beast as it has a couple of skylights.

Well that's where I'll leave this slab to terrorize the tender cutlets of Park Slope.
When I moved back to NYC in the Club Wagon it was mid 2007 and gas prices started shooting through the roof. I has the most difficult time selling it even with a rebuilt engine and zero rust, finally unloading it for $850 (I paid $2,000 for it just a few months earlier). For the 6 months or so I had it I was parking on the street in the Lower East Side. If you think you have parking woes just try to parallel park a 20 foot long monster in one of the densest parts of the city! Given the space I would definitely own one of these again though as they are simple and fun to operate.

There goes the neighborhood

POSSIBLY THE GRUBBIEST CAR I'VE EVER SEEN

I was strolling along next to Prospect Park a few weeks ago when a great dark cloud sucked the sun out of the sky. What wrath was about to befall our great city? Behold the horror of Windsor Terrace!

This is a 1970 Cadillac Sedan DeVille in Bayberry Green. It is in truly horrific condition throughout. Astonishingly it has a matching set of plates and current registration & inspection stickers in the windshield. Who is the mechanic who put their certification on the line in approving this heap?

I can't blame the public for shoving garbage in the mouth of this behemoth.

This is as close as you can get and still imagine this as a usable car.

I started this blog way back when with a 4 door green Cadillac that was beaten almost to death in the East Village, yet somebody kept driving it. I'm going back to my roots with this thing.

AAAAAGGHHH!!!!!

What is this nightmare?! Some lady asked me "Is this your car?" while I was snapping these pics. A small laugh escaped my lips in the "you must be joking" ilk before I managed: "No. NO! My god does anybody actually own this?"

She said yes indeed and it makes it across the street for alternate side parking regulations every week!

I love big old Cadillacs. My grandparents kept a steady supply of these enormous brutes going from their hands down through the family tree when I was young. My father had a '74 Eldorado. I had a '74 Coupe DeVille in high school. Even I can't find a single redeeming quality about this ride.

When you get closer it just gets worse. I think you could actually kick this car to pieces in 10 minutes or so if you didn't mind getting it all over your shoes.
I've been on the receiving end of some highly questionable inspection stickers in the past but this car really takes the cake. If your horn or reverse lights don't work you can always claim they went out that very morning if you get pulled over, especially with an old car. Maybe this would pass in the lights and brakes department but the suspension looks seriously saggy. Mostly though this is a rolling red flag if I ever saw one. If this were a building it would be condemned. 

Let's squint hard for a second and try to look at the original design. These pointed taillights are some of my favorite from Caddy history, second only to the '59 fins a la Ecto-1.

This thing needs a toupee stat. When vinyl roofing has an opening moisture can get underneath and wreak havoc on the metal. There are at least two holes in the roof itself above the passenger side front.

This has the GM Halo version of the vinyl roof where a strip of body colored metal surrounds the edge above the windshield and side windows. Dig the sheer scale of the trunk in this pic!

Looks like she's sporting 3 out of 4 Buick hubcaps from around the same era. I'm a fan of how massive these front bumpers are where they go back far enough to outline the wheel well.

Somewhere behind all that mouth trash lies a 472 V8 good for 375 horsepower from the factory. A showroom stock Coupe de Ville placed 3rd in the real life Cannonball Run with this same engine. It managed the highest overall average speed of 85mph too. These cars can really move despite their size.

Well that's where we'll back away from this frightening vision. People love to bemoan the loss of "old New York" and claim that the more run down version was their favorite. To those folks I suggest they go down to Prospect Park Southwest around 11th Avenue in Windsor Terrace. Cars like this used to be burned out and abandoned all over the city. Enjoy your lunch leaning against a big fender before depositing your litter in the grill for a trip down memory lane.

Diabolical Rat!

    '48 RAT!   

Gotta love walking your normal routine and encountering a ride that blows your mind. Behold this bucket of bolts crouching like a tiger with braces ready to pounce!

Hells yes! This is a 1948 Dodge Business Coupe wearing at least a few panels of Windward Green. This thing has been transformed 6 ways to Sunday in true rat rod fashion.

Like the other domestic automakers Dodge had to cease automobile production in 1942 to help with the war effort. When the war stopped demand for new cars was at an all time high while automotive design had been ground to a halt for years. In a panic the Big Three released cars that were basically the 1942 models that they still had all the tooling for. The first all-new cars didn't roll off the assembly line until 1949 or so.

First of all this beast has been thoroughly chopped, and a nice job too. With such a curved roof and rounded window openings lowering the roof by several inches takes serious skill.

In true rat rod fashion there are no wipers and just a scraggly bit of wire for an antenna. The hood is a 2 piece hinged in the middle. With both sides up it looks like a V from the front.

The wheels are an interesting choice. They look like they came off of a semi truck (only in design as they're definitely car wheels). It does lend a sense of power and capability to this crouched puma.

The Business Coupe body style was prevalent from the early days of the automobile through the 1950s. It meant the car was a 2 seater with either a removable or no backseat. Most such as this sled had a small roof only suitable for a front seat. Traveling salesmen would use all the additional room for their products and demonstration items.  

Looks like there's a spot for either a frenched exhaust or taillight on the bottom of the rear fenders. When something is frenched it's inset into a recess.

The patina is great on the hood and trunk. It reminds me of this ride I featured over a year ago. Since this is also a Dodge from just 2 years previous I can't help but wonder if they share an owner or at least have knowledge of each other.

I had a '47 Dodge way back when. I drove by the car sitting by the side of an East Providence road with "$850 - runs" written on the door glass. I owned it briefly and drove it only a handful of times before acquiescing that I was in over my head. I lost the brakes once (pedal fell to the floor like I dropped it off a table) and gently coasted through a red light and up the hill to the friends driveway where I was keeping it. Sold it immediately to a grateful local guy for the same money I'd paid.

I have nothing good to say about this at all. In fact with such a cool car I find this flat-out offensive! WHY would you replace your awesome 1948 door handles with these sad rounded-rectangular ones that look like they came off an '80s Corvette? I didn't pull that out of a hat; I'm 99% sure these are from an '84-'96 C4 Corvette. My guess is that they lifted the drivetrain from a 'vette and just started grabbing other things they might need, but THESE awful door handles? For shame!

Indeed the steering wheel, gearshift, and seats all look like they were pulled from a C4 Corvette. The C4 ran the gamut in its lifetime from anemic and terribly underpowered to powerful and quick. Who knows what iteration drivetrain this has? Regardless the inside door handle is from the same 'vette.
Originally that large chrome expanse in the dash center was a speaker for the tube radio hidden behind it. 

This is a rat detail I dig; steel mesh in place of a vent window! Chances are excellent that modifying the glass during the chopping of the roof was simply too much so they did this. No matter though I think it's pretty tough.
On display here are a couple of the welded seams where the chop took place; the windshield pillar and vent window both show their wounds. Of course the chrome trim had to be snipped too.

Not only has this been chopped but it's been seriously dropped too. My '47 was a very tall car that climbed up into. Overall the roof has to stand a foot and a half to 2 feet lower than factory.

I've always loved this grill. The square turn signals were originally covered with beautifully pattered heavy glass lenses. The headlights on mine were super dim but I'm guessing the electric has been upgraded to '80s Corvette status.

Well there we have it; the twin to the only car I've ever owned that had a starter button. To start the car you would turn the key to "run", pull the choke, pump the gas a few times, and press the starter button. Mine always started and idled smoothly. There wasn't really an E brake as much as a parking brake; when you pulled the under dash trigger-shaped handle for the brake it grabbed the driveshaft! Very effective in holding the car on a hill but nothing that helped me when the brakes went out.
As of the last days of November this is still parked on the street in Brooklyn. Who knows if it will remain once the snow falls?

Get ready to smile people. This car's ridiculous!

WHAT DO SAN FRANCISCO & KENOSHA WISCONSIN HAVE IN COMMON?

Sarah from Everywhere sent in this following submission discovered hidden in the backwaters of the Poconos. The moment it lit up my phone I was grinning ear to ear. A freaking Gremlin!

This is a 1976 AMC Gremlin in Brilliant Blue with sweet hockey stick stripes on the side. This example also has a very rare white vinyl roof which you never see on a Gremlin! To compound the coolness this is a special Levi's edition (yes like the jeans). Try to find a more hilarious car!

Awww look at this sad frumpy bulldog face! The Gremlin was introduced by American Motors Corporation in 1970 to a startled public. Emotions upon its unveiling ranged from glee and laughter to disgust and mockery. To be fair the design was first sketched out on an air sickness bag (true story - legendary automotive designer Dick Teague was discussing a smaller compact for AMC while flying with a colleague).
One detail that's unexpected the first time you encounter a Gremlin is that the glass window lifts up but not the entire rear end. It seems like this ought to be a hatchback but it's not quite. You can hurt your back leaning in and lifting items with any weight out from the trunk floor which is at the same level as the bumper.

If you're looking at the back end of this car wondering where the rest is it's because this is literally an AMC Hornet with the back chopped off. Both cars are identical from the doors forward. The "swept end" of the Gremlin made for great aerodynamics though. These could be ordered with a 304 V8 from the factory (!) which allowed you to smoke the tires in every gear.
This little beauty has 3 of its 4 original hubcaps which are of typically bonkers AMC design. That little red decal in front of the door says it all though; LEVI'S! It was the '70s and AMC went all-in with crazy special editions from fashion designers (the Pierre Cardin & Oleg Cassini edition Matadors have mind blowing interiors).

The Levi edition was relatively tame but did indeed call for the interior to be done up in classic blue Levi's denim; stitching, rivets and all. In reality the upholstery was a vinyl that looked and felt like denim as the real thing would have been difficult to clean and keep up. The seat backs on this ride retain their look pretty well.

The easiest way to identify the year of a Gremlin is the grill. In '75 and '77 the turn signals were rectangular making this a guaranteed '76.
AMC was truly the little car company that could. While the Big Three were located in Detroit little AMC was based in Kenosha, Wisconsin. Their designs were totally original throughout the '70s and their cars were all modest hits. The Hornet, Matador, Pacer, Eagle, and Gremlin were all bankrolled by the fact that AMC owned Jeep. Renault bought a major share before Chrysler took the company over, ending the company as a stand-alone name. To this day you'd be hard pressed to find more quirky classics to roll in though. If you hit up a car show in a Levi's Gremlin I guarantee it would be more swarmed with admirers than any Shelby Mustang worth 20 times the price.