Tales of the Tape

NOBODY BEATS OUR PRICES ON BODYWORK!!!

Yesterday was a picture-perfect Spring day which happened to be my day off, so I went on an epic bike ride through Northern Queens. What you're about to see had me bursting out into laughter and surprise.

  First off it look like we have a 1980 Cadillac Coupe DeVille in faded Saxony Red. The gaping toothless mouth and 1,000 yard stare on this ol' codger's face will make more sense as we circle around to get a better view . . .

Oof, she looks a bit beat up for sure, and that bodywork is terrible, but wait a minute; is that TAPE?

WHAT? 

Never, and I mean NEVER have I seen such handiwork! What could the damage possibly have looked like on your red car for black tape to be the obvious choice? That poor taillight looks confused in it's newly imprisoned status.

Ahh yes! The vinyl top must've been peeling back a bit and I know how unsightly that can be! The free-thinking avant-garde craftsman who owns this car took the time to tuck the tape under the chrome trim along the bottom of the window over the trunk, but when it came to the sides he gave up. The crusher is that it was probably a white roof in light of the fact that the pinstripes are white. This Caddy looked damn classy when it was built!

This hubcap gave me a run for my money, but it looks like this ride features a matching set of 1974 Buick Electra or Limited caps. For this year Buick reverted back to a crest logo they hadn't used since the '50s. The owner took the trouble to find matching shoes for the Elephant Man.

Let's take a deep breath as we admire the only corner of this car approaching normalcy. It's missing the hard rubber bumper extensions (as are 50% of the Cadillacs from this era), but at least the repair over the fender is somewhat reddish in tint and not made of tape.

 It's hard to see but there are scratch guards surrounding the keyholes on the doors with the Cadillac logo engraved on them. Don't want to scratch the paint!

At some point I peeked inside and got a glimpse of the hoarder mentality behind this Frankenstein, but at least they somewhat matched the towel to the upholstery.

I was riding away processing what I'd just seen when I quickly encountered this:

An old Buick! Let me get a closer look.

A 1961 Buick Le Sabre in rat rod spray can flat black. Looks pretty tough with it's widely spaced eyes and "bubble-top" windshield that wraps over head. But what's with that back window?

Oh now I see who I'm dealing with! Yes the calling card couldn't be more obvious. Ladies and Gentlemen, we have located the Caddy owner's 2nd car.

This is my favorite pic on this entire blog to date; you get 3 different but equal home repairs here; black tape over the rear window (always wanted a limo perhaps?), clear tape over the little vent window, and shiny chrome tape on the mirror. This was a careful person on some level before gothic tendencies took over and they decided to go all black.

Black does suit this ride though; look at those taillights! The rear of this car looks like a vampire.

The back window on this beast is such an odd shape that replacing it would cost more than double the price of the car (though there's always tape).

One last thing we can discern from the evidence presented above is that this was most likely Phoenix Beige when it left the factory. I can tell because whoever painted the car black took the time to put some tape over this logo on the back, and so it goes.